Losing all control and the aftermath

He just stopped talking to her abruptly and completely.  Well actually it just petered out with short choppy words like – meeting – working – busy etc.  He finally said, stressed out and shut down.  There was no breaking through that barrier he had erected and she just appeared like a whinny bitch trying to break into this silence. The situation was useless so she became quiet and morose in response.  She was feeling his stagnation and mirroring his pain. 

Her heart was fractured again, or maybe it was the same fracture reopened, after spending a year trying to heal it from the last relationship, a 23-year long marriage that ended in her having to run away to save her life and her sanity.  Communication was her one top requirement in any connection, romantic or otherwise.  No communication equals no relationship.

But she couldn’t let go and move on.  Was she just stupid, not catching on that this person didn’t want her and that all her crying and moaning wouldn’t do anything except make her sick.  Maybe that was the problem with her, she needed to love herself more and love these others less.

 If I said she had a breakdown it wouldn’t be far from the truth because she did spend the better part of a week in bed wallowing in grief and self pity.   One day she just decided to stop all this nonsense and got up fixed her face as best she could because it was swollen from all the tears, put on a pretty dress, attach her earbuds to her spotify account so she could listen to her favourite music, and went out on the town. 

Out on the town was a silly expression and to her all it meant was getting out of her bed, looking nice, walking around downtown and mingling with others.  There was no drinking, no eating, no conversations to be had with anyone, but it felt like something alive.  She didn’t think of him, she didn’t think of any man who she liked in the past or even more currently.  All she did was listen to her music, kind of walk in a dance step down the street and smile. 

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

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