I Never Stopped Loving You
Warning no illicit sexual dialogue or language
“I never stopped loving you, I never stopped loving you, I never stopped loving you”, said the weak and worn voice over the phone line. It was easy to tell that these words were genuine and that it took this person maximum effort to say them. All went quiet and the connection was broken.
She was raised in a cult. An organization that demanded everything – your love, mind, soul, money, time…. It was all inclusive and exclusive. She felt comfortable and protected within these walls and barriers, that is until she started to see the worms, the holes, the lies and deception. Once seen it cannot be unseen. Once known it cannot be unknown. Once this box was open the lid blew away.
There were severe punishments for her research and her knowing. Unheard of in its severity and cruelty. If she didn’t believe, all would be lost to her – her family, friends, community, even her own mother. And so, it was. The word was spoken leaving her barred and shoved away, unspoken to. Shunned.
You, dear reader, may know what organization is referred to here and if you don’t please research the religion that practices shunning and it will pop right up on top.
At her funeral, which she was surprisingly allowed to attend, came more confirmation of this woman’s love for her, a love that survived death. It came in the form of a small broken wedding band belonging to the deceased. This priceless heirloom (sentimental value only) had been searched for for days, the house practically being torn upside down to find it but without success. This worn and broken piece of gold appeared as if by magic inside her purse. She asked others, “what is this, and how did it get in my purse”, she didn’t know that they were looking for it or even that it existed. One said, awe, oh, my, but stopped any further expression of amazement only because it would challenge the programmed belief structure. Other explanations that questioned the status quo were not permitted. But she knew it was a sign and who was responsible for it. Days earlier she had spoken these words aloud, “Mom, if you can hear me and you are around please give me a sign. I am the only one who would believe you.”
It was crystal clear that the love and caring had indeed survived the 23 years of shunning from this dearest person.
Why was she dwelling on this now and grieving all over again for bygone things? It had been pulled up from where she had buried it long ago. Pull up the pain get it out into the light and look at it again. Understand and make peace with it and heal from it.
The unrelenting, heart wrenching emotional pain she was experiencing because of separation from her beloved was reaching deep in her psyche and he in his way was putting her back together. Thank you dear one.