Unwrapping the Love
Hello this is Summerhill Lane. Thank you for joining me here and I appreciate each and everyone of my followers, those that comment and also for all the likes. The artwork that accompanies some of the writings is also mine and I am happy that I have something to dress up the black and white words and make them pretty or more interesting.
I started this blog because I had a burning desire to share my real and sometimes imaginary stories (always with a lot of truth mixed in) about this twin flame/soulmate journey that I have been on. It has been very intense and all consuming for me and also very confusing. Sometimes I think that I am just going crazy and I have made all this stuff up. But not so, I am very sane and have been all my life except for the time I married a narcissist, but that is another complete story in itself.
For those of you checking in because you too are on this journey, welcome. It is mainly to you that I am speaking. As you can tell from the many stories, it has been a very erotic and sensual trip with this masculine I call my Divine masculine. He is a complete mystery to me and has kept himself hidden except for that one time we were together in the physical. We are together though all the time in the 5D or astral (those of you that think I am another nutter it’s okay, I had the same opinion about such topics and the people that believed them too).
I think I have made a big mistake and I need to ask your advice and opinion.
I started out writing erotica just to please my DM (Divine masculine) and to arouse him. He would ask me to write something for him and I could always just churn out story after story like I was drawing from a bottomless well. It all came very easily and naturally like I had lived it all before. Some of the drama was based on real life events all surrounding DM and our connection. I put in a lot of mental and emotional energy and work into this relationship, or should I call it a situationship, and he extended himself very little, if at all. I put my all into it because I knew what this was. He obviously didn’t know shit.
He called me his slut wife and submissive and I was just happy he was calling me anything slightly familiar that kind of spoke of love. When he did message me, which wasn’t very often except when he was bored at work and wanted entertainment, there was always some sort of test involved. Somehow, I had to prove my worthiness to him by following through with whatever he asked of me. I knew it was a game we were playing (or finally caught on to it), but would always try to do whatever it was regardless if it was outside my comfort zone and wheelhouse.
My question about this path is:
Is my DM the devil? Am I matched with such a deviant? Why do I love him so strongly and feel his sexual energy constantly? I saw his soul and know that he really is a very good person. Does he have mental issues, is he bipolar, schizophrenic, emotionally unbalanced? Or is he just doing his job to test me and make me get over my emotional blocks and fears?
The mistake I referred to some paragraphs back concerns our reconnection. I blocked him, deleted my Dating app which we were matched on and he, by the way, could track my movements by means of that app. I waffled by blocking and unblocking him. He did send a short text apologizing for hurting me and saying he was fucked up emotionally. Then nothing for weeks.
I could feel his energy calling me so I caved and sent him a message asking if he wanted to start again. I am feeling now like this was a mistake.
He answered immediately like he had been staring at his phone knowing that I would text him. Yes, he missed me and wanted to start again. He had gone through some very terrible emotional times, was his excuse for all his previous behaviour.
Now the testing is starting again. He changed my status to hotwife and submissive and he questioned me about any of my extra curricula activities, who I saw and when and details about our interactions. He said he wanted us to be a real couple and for me not to share my sweetness and tenderness with anyone else except him, but with one exception. He wants me to prove that I am committed to him by finding a female lover to teach me such things. He wants me to be his bisexual goddess. I suppose he has in mind a threesome with another woman and he wants me to adjust to such an idea. WTF! I am a sexual goddess already and I could be a bisexual one too, don’t know, haven’t had the pleasure. I am relaxed about such things if this is what we want to do together in private and everyone is consenting. But his asking is coming off as a test again. Then he says don’t do it if you feel uncomfortable, but I can feel his disapproval all the same at my reluctance to obey him.
Why couldn’t it all be simple, like hey, I like you and do you want to date and maybe get married someday? Why this coded communication where I have to unwrap every word looking for the love hidden there.