Unwrapping the Love

Unwrapping the love by Summerhill Lane

Unwrapping the Love

Hello this is Summerhill Lane.  Thank you for joining me here and I appreciate each and everyone of my followers, those that comment and also for all the likes.  The artwork that accompanies some of the writings is also mine and I am happy that I have something to dress up the black and white words and make them pretty or more interesting.

I started this blog because I had a burning desire to share my real and sometimes imaginary stories (always with a lot of truth mixed in) about this twin flame/soulmate journey that I have been on.  It has been very intense and all consuming for me and also very confusing.  Sometimes I think that I am just going crazy and I have made all this stuff up.  But not so, I am very sane and have been all my life except for the time I married a narcissist, but that is another complete story in itself. 

For those of you checking in because you too are on this journey, welcome.  It is mainly to you that I am speaking.  As you can tell from the many stories, it has been a very erotic and sensual trip with this masculine I call my Divine masculine.  He is a complete mystery to me and has kept himself hidden except for that one time we were together in the physical.  We are together though all the time in the 5D or astral (those of you that think I am another nutter it’s okay, I had the same opinion about such topics and the people that believed them too). 

I think I have made a big mistake and I need to ask your advice and opinion. 

I started out writing erotica just to please my DM (Divine masculine) and to arouse him.  He would ask me to write something for him and I could always just churn out story after story like I was drawing from a bottomless well.  It all came very easily and naturally like I had lived it all before.  Some of the drama was based on real life events all surrounding DM and our connection.  I put in a lot of mental and emotional energy and work into this relationship, or should I call it a situationship, and he extended himself very little, if at all.  I put my all into it because I knew what this was.  He obviously didn’t know shit.

He called me his slut wife and submissive and I was just happy he was calling me anything slightly familiar that kind of spoke of love.  When he did message me, which wasn’t very often except when he was bored at work and wanted entertainment, there was always some sort of test involved.  Somehow, I had to prove my worthiness to him by following through with whatever he asked of me.  I knew it was a game we were playing (or finally caught on to it), but would always try to do whatever it was regardless if it was outside my comfort zone and wheelhouse.

My question about this path is:

 Is my DM the devil?  Am I matched with such a deviant?  Why do I love him so strongly and feel his sexual energy constantly?  I saw his soul and know that he really is a very good person.  Does he have mental issues, is he bipolar, schizophrenic, emotionally unbalanced?  Or is he just doing his job to test me and make me get over my emotional blocks and fears?

The mistake I referred to some paragraphs back concerns our reconnection.  I blocked him, deleted my Dating app which we were matched on and he, by the way, could track my movements by means of that app.  I waffled by blocking and unblocking him.  He did send a short text apologizing for hurting me and saying he was fucked up emotionally.  Then nothing for weeks.

I could feel his energy calling me so I caved and sent him a message asking if he wanted to start again.  I am feeling now like this was a mistake.

He answered immediately like he had been staring at his phone knowing that I would text him.  Yes, he missed me and wanted to start again.  He had gone through some very terrible emotional times, was his excuse for all his previous behaviour.

Now the testing is starting again.  He changed my status to hotwife and submissive and he questioned me about any of my extra curricula activities, who I saw and when and details about our interactions.  He said he wanted us to be a real couple and for me not to share my sweetness and tenderness with anyone else except him, but with one exception.  He wants me to prove that I am committed to him by finding a female lover to teach me such things.  He wants me to be his bisexual goddess.   I suppose he has in mind a threesome with another woman and he wants me to adjust to such an idea.  WTF!  I am a sexual goddess already and I could be a bisexual one too, don’t know, haven’t had the pleasure.  I am relaxed about such things if this is what we want to do together in private and everyone is consenting.  But his asking is coming off as a test again.  Then he says don’t do it if you feel uncomfortable, but I can feel his disapproval all the same at my reluctance to obey him.

Why couldn’t it all be simple, like hey, I like you and do you want to date and maybe get married someday?  Why this coded communication where I have to unwrap every word looking for the love hidden there. 

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

4 thoughts on “Unwrapping the Love

  1. I’m not good at giving advice because… well, what do I really know about anything anyway? I’m one of the easiest people to gaslight, and it’s happened more than a few times. (You’d think I would have learned by now.) But, with all that said, I really wonder what game this guy is playing with you, if indeed it is just a game. (Of course, I can be wrong about this.) I guess what I’ll say is this… If you’re having to fight so hard to find scraps of love within his communications… well, it could just mean he’s an introvert, or it could mean that he’s just after some thrills and nothing more. It’s really hard to say. I don’t envy you in your current situation, and can totally see why you’d reach out for some advice about it. Hopefully, someone better at giving advice will read this and respond appropriately. Good luck moving forward!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Tony Single, thank you for your message and your advice. I know what you mean that real love shouldn’t be this hard. I have tried to let this and him go many times but the draw towards him is too strong. Now I think I will treat what he says as a play and don’t expect to be in each other’s arms when the curtain rises.😁
      Again thank you.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Your journey sounds similar to mine. Except from a masculine’s perspective. I’m a little more mature than my feminine so the lack of experience she has with coping is reasonable and I have been told that my control over my emotions is unnatural (in a good way). Meditation has done wonders with me, especially on this journey. My story relates to yours in the way my feminine has relied on me many times to make her happy, not that i didnt enjoy it. Eventually her bf took her phone and read our messages and now she doesnt talk to me and when she does i can feel her pain and misery and i cant help but do my best to help her to make her happy but lately it has been too much. If she didnt have a child with her bf and also childhood traumas she was healing from i know our situation would be completely different but would it have been better in the long run? Would i have learned as much as i have from this experience? I ask myself that often and i like to think that this path is necessary for me to grow and learn how to be of service to others including my df without harming myself to the point i can barely function. I hope my summary of the last 6 months of my journey brings you insight. It’s good to know I’m not the only one experiencing this. Makes me feel less crazy. There have been mornings i wake up and my whole body is tingling and i feel her all over me. Times when i could see her so vividly as if she is with me. There was nights when i would get ready to sleep and when i close my eyes i felt her with me. It was hurtful when i had to choose to let that go when she stopped talkin to me but i have been told rebirth similar to labor. It’s painful and uncomfortable in so many ways but after it’s over a new life is born.

    Like

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