Warning sexual content 18+
Reflecting and Purging – Am I Being Pimped
Dear Readers/Friends: I have been sick with the flu for 10 days now and it has been a miserable experience and there seems no end in sight, but I am trying to think positive. This down time has allowed me to purge physically, mentally, emotionally and whatever other ways a person can release what no longer serves them.
DM and I have been texting briefly almost every day just to check up on each other because he also is sick with the flu, although he has gone to work and I have stayed in bed. Are we mirroring each other? He wasn’t sick before I told him that I was.
I am also trying to purge DM from my energy as I feel his sexual pull on me even in my weakened state and it is draining. He also is angry and disappointed that I am not obeying him and searching for a female lover. I love women and they are some of the best people I know, but I am not sexually attracted to them. He has found a flaw in me and I do not match the adventurous fantasy lifestyle he has envisioned for us. That lifestyle is so 60’s and I think he is living in the past or trying to recreate it. To be truthful at the beginning I was drawn in and I did want this with him, or actually I wanted anything with him as long as he came with it. I had also been suppressed most of my life and wanted to fly open like a spring and try everything considered taboo or erotic and sensual.
Now I think he is pimping me to bring fresh young (or not so young) flesh to his bed. He says these women are for me – really? And he asks why can’t I do something to make him happy since he will supply all the extra men I want whenever I have a craving. This is his reasoning. I have told him over and over that I only want him, but guess that idea is a bit boring in his fantasy world.
Advice given to me is to just stop communication with DM. I have started today. It is very hard because he calls to me and I feel him. My dear friends and loved ones are also advising me to take this stance. Just send him love and be on your way.
I have included the above link as a resource for those of you also on this crazy making rollercoaster ride, and it will help you make sense of things that are somewhat non sensical with a lot of humour and heart. At least that has been my experience. She is a beautiful soul sister and friend.
Very Sincerely, Summerhill Lane
P.S. I have not stopped writing erotica and this is just a minor break in the flow.