Cosmic Loop
Dear loved ones, this is Summerhill Lane, it is late in the day now and I haven’t accomplished anything of importance. Of course I washed all the wood floors in the apartment, took Gibson (Pomeranian Papillion) for a couple of walks, but I didn’t run, I didn’t listen to any music or dance in the park, I didn’t write in my journal, I didn’t pray, I didn’t smile and I didn’t laugh. I’m really in a funk. I cried for awhile though and missed my Devine Masculine terribly.
There was something wrong with my computer too as it kept trying to update itself. First it updated, then it deleted the update, then updated again, then deleted again. WTF is going on. Also was watching a bit of tv just some real estate show and there was one of the real estate agents who flicked his tongue just like my Devine Masculine did the one time we were together, and then the tv shut itself off and refused to turn back on. All the electronics are as unpredictable as my mood. Is anyone else experiencing these sorts of things today?
I had been thinking about reconnecting with a past lover because I have been missing a loving connection and it was only in the thinking stages and I hadn’t acted on it yet. It seems that my DM can read my mind and it is a little freaky cause I really do not want him in my mind snooping around. He sent me a gif message that asked if I was a good girl or a bad girl. Then asked if I had any cock or pussy lately? I should have just ignored him and not responded, but of course I was triggered. Repeating the same thing over and over again – a cosmic loop. Defending myself to him. Telling him that I was alone and not with anyone and that I only wanted him. It changes nothing between us and he isn’t coming forward to offer his love. I got bold and asked him if he had any pussy. Zero, zero, zero was his reply. That was the extent of the texting. Just enough to upset me and stop me from moving forward to another maybe better relationship. Maybe it is time to block him again so he cannot trigger me.
This relationship is the most crazy-making, heart wrenching, stupefying, ludicrous, intoxicating, stimulating, sensual, mystifying experience. I know not how to describe the indescribable.
Thank you for listening to my rant and it really does help me to know that you are out there reading these words. Much love, Summerhill
Love and many blessings to my dear soul sister Emmerson 36911.
Under the protection of your ancestors, I hope? I have never seen anyone use yellow as much as you do. It’s warm, inviting, the equivalent of a compassionate embrace. And to be honest, if I was in your current situation, I’m actually a little scared that I would do all the things you’re doing now too. So, I guess this means I’m really in no position to give you advice regarding this. I hope there’s a way through it all. Somehow.
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I love painting with yellow as you noted. It comforts me in a way that I can’t describe. My ancestors are surely interested and hopefully protective. Thank you for taking your time to comment and was hoping you would. It is hard for me to know what to do except doing what I’m doing- flying by the seat of my pants. 😁 really appreciate your friendship.
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And I thank you for your friendship, Summerhill. Hang in there. The ride often gets quite a bit bumpy, but I have a feeling you will somehow prevail.
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