Divine Feminine behind the scenes

sunflower still smiles at night by Summerhill Lane

Divine Feminine – behind the scenes

Dear loved ones, it is a cold and blustery winter day here in Toronto, and I just got back from taking my dog, Gibson for one of his daily runs, hopefully someone else will take him out again later because I have to leave for work soon.

Yesterday I wrote the erotic blog post “Hot Wife Files 3 – Meltdown”.  I must confess that I was having a mini meltdown as well.  Tears were running down my face as I wrote the bedroom scene when the divine masculine made his appearance and was looking lustily towards the character Angelica.  I could feel the pain and the betrayal that that look inspired in me.

What long held view of myself was coming to the surface to be purged and then healed?  Even fictional characters are playing their part in my recovery.   I am experiencing the same ‘not good enough’ feelings as revealed in the ‘Cum and Tears on Canvas blog. 


I had triggered myself. The hot wife (in the series) must not be good enough on her own to satisfy her divine masculine that he would need another woman younger and sexier to be in his bed. 

I know I am supposed to be okay with just being on my own and healing myself and being the best person, I can be, get on mission of spreading love and beauty and passion for life.  I am doing these things, but I am still missing my divine masculine and I am not okay with it. 

Have I failed at being a divine feminine?  Am I stopping the divine masculine from being his best self on his own?  Are we never allowed to come together? Has he decided he doesn’t want to have a divine feminine and likes his life the way it is?

He messaged me all by himself the other day. I say it like that because he almost never has taken the initiative to contact me, it is always me texting first. I had stopped messaging and was leaving him alone. Anyway, he just asked how I was and then said he would phone me later in the evening. Of course, no phone call as per usual. I knew he wouldn’t phone, but was still hoping to be surprised.

Bla bla bla.  You really don’t want to hear this shit; it sounds so childish and teenager-ish. 

I love you all very much and thank you for reading my post and for listening to me moan (not in the slutty way, or maybe just a little).  Smiley face.  Summerhill Lane

A shout out to my dear soul sister and friend Emmerson 36911.  Love you dear.

Here, I think you all need to look at another painting/drawing to erase the drama and the wallowing from your minds.

When I look at you I see me by Summerhill Lane

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

16 thoughts on “Divine Feminine behind the scenes

  1. You are a divine Feminine
    Don’t be so hard on yourself. My correspondence with u have all been lust and cum filled wanderings through the erotic garden in our brains. You are wonderful, and a joy to share a fantasy with

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Go and read my erotic tales
      I am very aroused at the thought of you reading them. I wrote you two more tales💦💦💦💦💦🌶🍆🌶🍆💋💋💋

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are ‘good enough’, divine feminine or not! And no one can tell you otherwise! Anyone who does is not someone who deserves to be in your social circles anyway!
    (And your art continues to be absolutely wonderful, Summerhill. I especially like the 2nd one today.)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I still go through all the questions relating to the divine masculine that you write about in this post. They are less on my mind now that I’ve done some healing and actually feel like I can take him or leave him. This has only come with time and torment. I used to obsess about it and I hated being like that. I wanted to live my life, do my passions and be free of it. I still think about him every damn day but I don’t get stuck in it anymore.

    BTW – I think I saw him walking a few blocks from my house the other day…. like 99% sure it was him. I only saw the back of him but his hat, coat, walk, jeans and hair. There’s no other reason he’d be on this side of town, so I think he’s either stalking, or working up the nerve to visit. I’m at a different place than I’ve always been with him and not willing to go through the heartbreak again so know I am strong enough to turn him down unless he’s gotten help for the drinking. It used to be within a half hour we’d be in bed then going through the same cycle. I just can’t do it again, especially being in a better place now.

    I’m going back to read some more of your posts and get updated on your situation. Hang in there – you’ll get through this one way or another. It’s really difficult, I know.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi beautiful lady,
      He was for sure wanting you and he can feel your withdrawal from him. This sexual energy is like a drug and you can be sure he has it bad for you. Is there a way to find out if he is healed from his addiction without seeing him first? Because if you get up close and personal it will be so easy to fall into bed because of the intensity of this love.
      It is a very hard journey but I know I am healing from a life of being treated as something that should be thrown away. (Maybe that is why I like to declutter 😁)
      Sending you love❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am doing the same as you in healing from a life of being treated as something to be thrown away. I figured out that for me, it was from the way that I was raised. Seeing my mother accept abuse and being abused myself and my mother not standing up for me. I thought it was normal so have accepted this in my own relationships. Now that I understand it, I’m hoping just the awareness helps me overcome it. Nothing to test it yet though so I have no clue. I do feel healed but will not know until another situation happens. I have no desire to be involved with anyone else so I just focus on myself.

        The last time we were together about 3 months ago, I think we both knew that we couldn’t do it anymore without both of us healing our issues. It was messing him up more than it was me. Each time we split up he’d get farther into the addiction – him drinking himself into the hospital and near a stroke. I made it very clear that I will not be with him with the addiction and if he wants to be together (which he claimed he did), he has to get help. I had never told him that in all the hundreds of cycles we went through. I was trying to love him unconditionally, but I found out that loving unconditionally does not mean being with him as a couple if he is not treating me with respect. I have to love myself first and love him from a distance.

        So, I don’t think he’ll show up without sobriety under his belt. But if he does, I’ve vowed to myself that I will not do what I’ve always done with him and I believe I can do it because I know that it messes my life up more each time I do it. Even if he comes back with sobriety, I’m not jumping back in – I’ll test the waters slowly and let it grow slowly. It’s where I went wrong from the start – got too involved too quick.

        I do agree – very easy to fall in bed, but I really feel strong enough to not do it this time.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. I have yet to fully understand your story, but the art is truly something I can immediately appreciate and relate to. 🌻🙏🎨💕✨Hugs and love xoxoxo

        Liked by 1 person

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