Divine Feminine – behind the scenes
Dear loved ones, it is a cold and blustery winter day here in Toronto, and I just got back from taking my dog, Gibson for one of his daily runs, hopefully someone else will take him out again later because I have to leave for work soon.
Yesterday I wrote the erotic blog post “Hot Wife Files 3 – Meltdown”. I must confess that I was having a mini meltdown as well. Tears were running down my face as I wrote the bedroom scene when the divine masculine made his appearance and was looking lustily towards the character Angelica. I could feel the pain and the betrayal that that look inspired in me.
What long held view of myself was coming to the surface to be purged and then healed? Even fictional characters are playing their part in my recovery. I am experiencing the same ‘not good enough’ feelings as revealed in the ‘Cum and Tears on Canvas’ blog.
I had triggered myself. The hot wife (in the series) must not be good enough on her own to satisfy her divine masculine that he would need another woman younger and sexier to be in his bed.
I know I am supposed to be okay with just being on my own and healing myself and being the best person, I can be, get on mission of spreading love and beauty and passion for life. I am doing these things, but I am still missing my divine masculine and I am not okay with it.
Have I failed at being a divine feminine? Am I stopping the divine masculine from being his best self on his own? Are we never allowed to come together? Has he decided he doesn’t want to have a divine feminine and likes his life the way it is?
He messaged me all by himself the other day. I say it like that because he almost never has taken the initiative to contact me, it is always me texting first. I had stopped messaging and was leaving him alone. Anyway, he just asked how I was and then said he would phone me later in the evening. Of course, no phone call as per usual. I knew he wouldn’t phone, but was still hoping to be surprised.
Bla bla bla. You really don’t want to hear this shit; it sounds so childish and teenager-ish.
I love you all very much and thank you for reading my post and for listening to me moan (not in the slutty way, or maybe just a little). Smiley face. Summerhill Lane
A shout out to my dear soul sister and friend Emmerson 36911. Love you dear.
Here, I think you all need to look at another painting/drawing to erase the drama and the wallowing from your minds.