Warning language and content may be offensive to some 18+
Not used to dumping someone a re-do
Dear loved ones, I am re-posting a story that I wrote back in September, 2019 and posted on my blog I think in December. The following is just a little bit of emotional drama and it may be boring for you to read, and if so, I will take no offense if you skip me this time. I still love you.
I hate hurting people, or disappointing, or even saying the word no. I love men. I love sex. I love attention. I love freedom to do what I want, when I want, and to whom I want. Very slutty behaviour you might think and yes you would be right. But I am just a spring that has been compressed for too long and needs to release.
When I first met my divine masculine, I was smitten with him right off the bat. He seemed the same with me and our continued phone conversations and text messages assured me that we really did have something real. We connected not just verbally but also energetically. The sexual and erotic sensations I was feeling were incredible and I was submerged in him and in this energetic exchange.
I was involved sexually with others at the time of meeting DM, and I knew I would have to dump these others because I only wanted him. This was very hard for me to do. I didn’t want to be hated. I wanted to be loved.
DM had other ideas as to where our relationship was going to go and he encouraged me to start up with others because he wasn’t ready to make our sexual adventure a reality. I was his hot wife and he was my beautiful husband. I was his submissive and he was my dominate. I was his slave and he was my master. We would have no barriers or restrictions and I would follow his lead, his kink.
I became awake and knew that he was my divine masculine and my twin and we were connected on a soul level and would always be. He on the other hand, well I am not really sure what he knows. He did say that I was in his soul’s heart and he would never hurt me, and that he would protect me forever, and that higher powers brought us together, and that he feels me sexually and energetically and that I belong to him. Yet, he stays away from me and we don’t talk much now.
The reason I am re-posting the above-mentioned blog, is because there are two others that I need to dump officially. I have not seen one of them in several months and have already cut it off by telling him to get himself a girlfriend for sex as I was only interested in being his friend. He has stopped messaging me now.
The other one I haven’t seen in a month as of today. I haven’t told him to get lost yet. He usually messages me and asks me to come over to his place and that he is craving me. I have been putting him off for a long time but haven’t said goodbye goodbye. It is not because I am leaving him open as an option, because there are no options as far as I am concerned. It is my divine masculine all the way. But I need sexual release and DM is nowhere to be found and apparently doesn’t need me as much as I need him. Maybe he has a whole bevy of women at his disposal for such needs? Believe me I could have the same but I don’t want to look anymore and start something new.
Well I think I have blabbed enough for today and you are probably getting sick of my moaning (I know I am). I am very happy with my life as it is right now and I will not complain as it is 100% better than it used to be when I was under the control and abuse of the narcissist. And I am having way way more orgasms (smiley face) and sharing all the love I have with others. I love you all very much, hugs & kisses, Summerhill Lane
Here is the afore mentioned blog post “Not Used to Dumping Someone”.
Not Used to Dumping Someone
She laid in bed all day and tossed and turned and cried a bit and she even tried praying but it was no good, she was at a loss of what to do with herself. She was a good girl and she didn’t like to hurt anyone or cause anyone pain or worry. She was a healer, a comforter, a nurturer, a supporter of loss causes, a humanitarian, an animal lover, and much more along those same lines. She was also deeply sensual and needed constant sexual attention. It was getting to be a problem for her.
Lately she had played with people’s feelings in a despicable way, so very unlike her that it was breaking her heart to think on it. This last man she had sent sexy text messages to and lead along enough for him to expect a night of passion from her was weighing on her heart after she blocked him and deleted his profile. She knew she wasn’t interested in him sexually after a little while of texting and talking and she should have stopped right then and there and told him how she felt, but she continued on the charade. It wasn’t her style to do that to someone as she had always been upfront with her feelings. There was no explanation for her behaviour. She was disappointed in herself.
And this other one who she truly liked but knew he wasn’t the right one for her, and he also was just using her, someone to fuck because she was good at it, deserved an explanation to why she was dropping him. It was only common curtesy and a kindness. To not say a word and freeze him out would be deplorable on her part. She always wanted to please and never hurt. Her passion was eroding her naturally gentle spirit. She couldn’t let this continue.
Recently she had believed that the one who she loved had just dropped her without a word and her heart had shattered. The pain of it was unbearable. So, for her to do this to someone, anyone else, defied logic.
She needed her lover badly, maybe then she wouldn’t feel so out of control. He seemed to want her to fuck other people for his pleasure too when she would tell him about it. She enjoyed the fucking very much and she got aroused just as much telling him about it, that was not the problem for her. The problem was cutting it off and saying no more when they naturally got attached to her. It hurt her to hurt them or she just didn’t want anyone to hate her when she dumped them. That was more the truth. She wanted to be loved and not hated.
Is this a gift or a curse to be this sensual she wondered. Was she being loved or just being used. Maybe it didn’t really matter, probably the same thing in the end. She was alive and living and feeling and growing and creating and pleasing and receiving and fucking.
Wonderful she thought and naturally her mind went to her lover and the wetness started to flow again.