No Hero Here

painting in the rain while canoeing by Summerhill Lane

No Hero Here

Dear loved ones, you may want to just skip this blog today and go on to others’ who have something more important and beneficial to say.  I am just blabbing and trying to come to terms with a few things.  My ex-husband and what’s happening to him, and my work place situation.  Be prepared to be bored.  (I am smiling).

Today is Wednesday, March 25, 2020 and it has been a sunny and fairly nice day here in Toronto, Canada.   I went out for my daily run and also hugged a few trees and had a little visit with loved ones via the trees.  You may think I am going crazy, but not at all, it is perfectly natural to hug trees and say a little prayer at the same time.  I have just been hacking into their (trees) energy systems.  Yes, I know that does sound a little bit out there. 

There was a letter in my mailbox from the head office of the supermarket chain that I work for, thanking me for being a hero.  They appreciated my herculean effort in these moments of crisis, of staying strong and welcoming their customers with warm smiles and keeping everyone calm.  I know this letter was sent to all staff in every store across Canada, and it is truly appropriate to call the workers heroes.  But I am not one of them.

I quit, I bailed, I threw in the towel.  I capitulated.  I had to remove my hero’s cape and don my mother’s apron, my artist’s smock, my writer’s pen, and my thinker’s cap.

I learned recently that my ex-husband is now in the hospital being treated with morphine and steroids for the pain and swelling caused from stomach cancer.  I really do feel bad that he is suffering pain and that he is alone because no one can visit him now because of the virus.  I feel bad, but not that bad.  I am no hero.  Nothing has been forgiven or forgotten.  He was a terrible husband, a prick.  Abusive, nasty, cruel, kick you when you were down kind of guy.  He could also charm the pants off anyone, that is how he got me in the first place.  Charmed my pants off.  He isolated me from my children and family and even my dog. 

Some months ago, I heard that he was planning his own funeral.  He arranged a native ceremony to be held while he was dying to whisk him off to the favourable hunting grounds.  Maybe he thought the Great Spirit would feel kindlier towards him then the Almighty God.  Looks like he will not get that beautiful send off if he passes now. 

 So you now know that I am not a hero.

I love you all very much and please stay safe.  Hugs & kisses, Summerhill Lane

Published by summerhilllane

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16 thoughts on “No Hero Here

  1. I actually relate a good deal to the tree hugging. I live in a secluded area and am thus able to go outside for walks. I find myself more and more in the woods communing with nature. Everything you describe is something I also do so if you are mad you are in good company! Some time ago I heard my father was dying. Due to extreme abuse I hadn’t seen him in 20 years. I was also unable to see him in person (not that I wanted to) so my cousins arranged for Skype. It was probably one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. He told me I imagined everything and ended the conversation with an insult. Didn’t apologize of course. He hadn’t changed at all. I forgave him anyways for myself. I ended that conversation knowing I had made the right choice, when I decided to stop being a hero.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for your heart felt words. I think there are a few of us crazy tree huggers out there, quite a few. Every thing your father did to you is not alright just because he is dying. When we let it go and leave it alone, it is for our own healing. One person told me, “let go and let god”. That is what I am trying to do. sending you much love ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think it is wonderful that you hug trees. God talks about trees clapping and they may be able to talk to us in heaven too. Who knows. I am sorry for your sadness and perhaps you are a hero in many ways but don’t realize it. I bet that you are. Stay healthy and blessed. Love 💕 you Joni

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Thank you very much Joni for your comments and kindness. I can feel the energy of the trees through me when I hug them and each tree feels a bit different. I do get transported somewhere. Love you ❤️


    1. Yes you are right about the trees needing TLC too. I hear them calling to me for some little kindness. My plants would give me similar feedback and I would pet them. ❤️much love to you


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