Grieving in a bikini

round and round we go by Summerhill Lane

Grieving in a bikini

Dear loved ones, I wasn’t going to write a blog today because I am not really in a very good mood or head space.  My ex husband did indeed die yesterday afternoon.  I was laying on my bed resting and I felt him leave this plane.  His daughter messaged me a few moments later confirming his passing.

 I didn’t think I would be sad or experience grief, but my body and heart crumbled.  We were separated but not divorced, so I guess that means that now I am technically a widow. 

I was thinking of having a very long title for this blog – something like “grieving in a bikini, sun tanning on the balcony with my daughter, music blasting, smoking weed and drinking beer”.

 I didn’t smoke but my daughter did blow some of the fumes my way.  As for the beer part, I had ¼ cup, a thimble full.  The sun was hot, the music was loud and singable, and the company was sensational.  What better way to grieve. 

There will be no funeral now because of Covid-19, so, no decision for me to make as to whether I would attend or not.  My ex always used to say that I would bring a boyfriend with me to his funeral.  Or that I would find a boyfriend at his funeral and not just one, two or three.  This always used to upset me that he would say such a thing, but now I do believe he would be right.  I would bring a boyfriend, or I could find two or three.  Was he a prophet?

Thank you for being here with me, I appreciate it very much.  Much love.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane

Here is a song that I listened to over and over again when I was in the hospital for a month and was dying.  I didn’t end up dying as you can plainly see, but I did lose my religion after that experience.

Published by summerhilllane

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41 thoughts on “Grieving in a bikini

  1. I am sorry for your lost. I lost my father 21 January. No where could we find to have a memorial for him because of the coronavirus. I went to the nearest river, burn sage for him and I remember his face, his kindness and tried to find some kind of comfort. We must grief and I am glad your daughter is with you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for telling me about your father. I have a large candle burning which I lit immediately after getting word. I hope it lasts the 4 days. I also burned sage and prayed for his safe journey. My daughter put a food plate out for him by a scared fire spot but there was no fire.
      Sending love❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. A time like this really does make you appreciate even the acts you may have once dreaded, like attending a funeral and saying goodbye to a loved one. I hope you and your daughter stay safe and strong throughout this ordeal.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It must all be feeling so strange for you right now, Summerhill. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you are being very kind to yourself, and holding yourself gently. I think it’s perfectly normal and okay to have such deep feelings for even those who are no longer in our lives, especially when they’ve moved on from this plane of existence.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for your kindness. It is very strange that he is gone and that whole chapter (a long and painful one) has ended. It is surreal and I didn’t think I would grieve but my heart had other ideas. Much love ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is not a linear or finite process. I find myself navigating it all the time as it ebbs and flows. I related so much to the last paragraph. I almost died five times and have had several life or death surgeries. I too had a crisis of faith that is still with me. Ironically, I write about and teach the mystical aspects of my religion and the deeper interpretations. Mostly because it’s what I know well and the identity is still with me. The mystical interpretations help me relate. The literal is another story. Take great care of yourself and your daughter. ❤️ MW

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Summerhill, You lost somebody that was important to you at one time and through your daughter, there is that forever connection. Peace be with you and do whatever brings you comfort–bikini, shots of whatever, sunshine, family, or a really crushing (even if deleted) blog post. Hope you do find a boyfriend or three at the funeral. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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