Begging for attention
Dear loved ones,
I have turned into a beggar
A craver of attention
One with no pride
Look at me
Talk to me
I am all about myself these days. How selfish I am becoming. I am drowning in this shallow pool. Please forgive me this weakness.
I have a draft email typed and ready to be sent to my divine masculine. I am begging him again to pay attention to me. Thank god I haven’t sent it yet. I need to think instead of just feel. It has been 10 days since I last heard from him. All he said was ‘I miss you’. Nothing more.
I don’t want to feel clingy and desperate. Lonely and pathetic.
I am a divine feminine and a sexual goddess.
How does he manage this power over me? He keeps me starving for his affection, yet I stay around bone thin waiting for a crumb thrown my way casually.
His silence is cruel and a mind game.
I recognize it for what it is from past experiences
Triggered again into the pain of abandonment and rejection.
I once wrote a fantasy about being a sex doll or mannequin. That has been one of my fantasies for a very long time.
It is true that some women, and maybe men too, act out this fantasy by being a fuck doll and their body displayed as an art installation piece, to be petted and used like any other sexual object or toy. The idea of doing that made me very wet.
After I posted this fantasy – The Mannequin – I had a comment from one of my followers and friends that suggested that this fantasy was the result of being sexually abused as a child. He may be right. Is my desire to be a submissive and be dominated sexually also because of this? I don’t want to think of it like that. I am including a link to the afore mentioned post for your pursual. I think it is very arousing in a non relationship kind of way.
Thank you for listening to my selfish blog post today. If only the sun would shine and I could nude tan on my balcony. I love you all very much and thank you too for giving me a little attention. I am just an attention whore. Smiley face and I am laughing out loud. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane