Just a fuck friend

She sees the endless possibilities by Summerhill Lane

Warning language and content may offend some 18+ please

Just a fuck friend

Dear loved ones,

Hello.  Good evening.  It was a very cold day today and a bit on the rainy side but this never stopped me from going out for a couple of brisk walks / runs with Gibson leading the way.  He is a small dog yet he pulls me like he is the lead dog of a team of huskies.  What a funny little fellow. 

What is going on with the weather?  It has been snowing off and on for a few days now.  Nothing has accumulated on the ground though, but it is very odd.  The weather has never been this cold in Toronto this time of year for about 20 years.  My mind goes to weather manipulation to keep it cold so the virus won’t die, conspiracy theory stuff.  I hate that counter intelligence word ‘conspiracy theory’.  If a person raises a reasonable observation, they can be hushed with just that phrase conspiracy theorist or tin foil hat.  Ha ha.

Anyway, I wanted this blog to be about being just a fuck friend.  I was one of those.  Maybe I still am.  I like to fuck because I have been denied this pleasure for way too many years.  It is not just the physical aspect but the whole of it beginning with foreplay of the mind.  My mind needs to be engaged first and aroused before even our lips meet. 

Do I like being just a fuck friend, or a friend with benefits?  My answer is no. 

When I first met Mr. Three, who I spoke about in ‘Birthday Blues’, we were on the same wave length and had similar opinions on politics, religion, world events, etc.  He was kind of a rebel just like me, I got him and he got me.  The physical connection was there although not terribly strong at least for me anyway.   He was good to me but did not treat me as his partner.  I was just someone who came to see him once in awhile for a good fucking.  He never introduced me to his children, or his family.  I don’t think he even told anyone about me.  I was upset about this because I wanted a loving relationship.  I wanted to belong.  He told me not to get so upset, just enjoy and relax in what is. In other words, shut up and enjoy a good shagging.  I always think of Austin Powers when I use the word shagging.  He is very funny.

I ended it with him finally because I wanted to be loved and not just screwed.

This pattern has continued with others.  Is this what I am projecting and thus receiving?  I do not respect and value myself? 

Mr. Three has asked me to start up again with him when this covid19 is over.  He is a busy man and has his children at home with him, but he said he would be more consistent with treating me as a partner.  He hasn’t done very well so far.  Today, he promised to spend some time with me, either just talking on the phone, or come over and go for another walk.  He sent me a text at noon saying he would get a hold of me after lunch.  It is 9pm and I still haven’t heard from him.  I am super sensitive about this kind of thing now.  He will likely have a good reason, but I am already turned off.  He doesn’t keep his promises. 

Tell me if I am sounding like a teenage girl going through her shit?  I am really just wanting my divine masculine and I have said goodbye to him.

Thank you again for listening to me and reading this post.  If you haven’t bothered, that is okay too.  I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

32 thoughts on “Just a fuck friend

  1. He might have good qualities you like…. But if he isn’t giving you the attention you want and deserve then find someone better. 😉 We’ve all been there. I don’t think you’re acting like a teenager 🙂 You just deserve better ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 4 people

  2. You deserve to be loved!!
    You should be loved,
    Because you are so Great!!
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts
    And of course thank you for letting me share my filthy ones, you are a good listener 💋

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I agree with Anonymously Hal. I think you and he are looking for different things from this connection. He seems to me also to be emotionally unavailable even if he is available for hookups. I try to steer clear of mind games, too much ego not enough heart.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Do you think it could be that you are emotionally unavailable right now? Still wounded, vulnerable and perhaps in limbo about the DM situation? Intimacy is hard, it makes you feel very vulnerable. I have learned that I have some commitment issues and some issues with intimacy myself.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes you are right. I love only my DM and only want to be with him. He has turned his back necessarily to heal himself and I am trying to find a life without him. Not working. ❤️

        Like

  4. Aw… I’m sorry to hear about you and your divine masculine! But hey look at the bright side, you’ll now have time to learn and explore some more!

    And no, being an FWB ain’t bad at all.

    Cheers to you, Summer! 🍸

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Dear Summerhill… lovely being… so loving… this guy does not value you — except as you say, as a shag (not even a friend… certainly not a good friend anyway, by the sounds of it)… sorry to say the hard truth. Mindlovemisery said it very well… you want more from him than he is willing to give. It’s so hard, but any of us that craves love from someone that can’t give it in the way we want it… needs to direct all that love towards our own selves, and to spiritual energy at large, and then funny, love seems to flow towards us. It’s a paradox… but the less we desire, the more we become desirable…

    I am super glad you said goodbye to him…

    I don’t have a “divine masculine” of my own… I think none of us can claim such an energy *as* our own (even men), since it is shared universally… but sometimes I write to a certain energy that I see in my husband, past loves, and/or other male-identifying beings I’ve encountered.

    Hope you don’t mind my answering, it felt like you were asking (all of us)… and you’re such a loving being, that I just want to reach out. Hugs and love 🤗❤️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Dear Lia, yes I was asking everyone. I don’t want to just be shagged. So base so empty. I might as well sell myself and make some cash, if this is all it is. I am not serious about the selling part😁
      Thank you sweetheart. I love you ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for being so open. From someone who has been used physically, please know that your time is worth more than that. He doesn’t deserve you and you need to know that. Ditch the dude! He sounds worse than Mr. Big (sex and the city) sorry not a fan of him 😂.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I know exactly how you feel about someone breaking their promises. I have a “friend” like that, too. Very annoying. A better friend won’t forget and will care enough to send a tiny note if he or she can’t make it. Fuck having fuck friends. Hold out for the real thing, sweetheart. 💖💖

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Gentleman Dave. I have been trying to hold out for the real thing. I call that flakey when a little message is all that is needed. Yes, fuck having fuck friends!! Sending you love love love ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m new here so as a preface to my comment I must say that I was once a very dire alcoholic. What Mr. Three is doing sounds very familiar to me as it is the same thing I used to do to women. I’m not suggesting that he is an alcoholic by any means; there are certainly men from all walks of life who do this. To me, though, it sounds as if he is leading you on and only showing you interest when it’s convenient for him. If you make plans with him and he finds something else he’d rather do, he simply ignores you. Guilty.

    Just my two cents. Enjoyed reading the post and look forward to more.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. If you want to be a fuck buddy then expecting emotional availability is futile. From what I read, I think you want companionship and don’t want to be a fuck buddy. Please take care of yourself, you are so much better than what you’ve been.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Having a fuck buddy is exhilarating at first. The escapism excites both parties but it doesn’t last because one side gets attached and wants more. Been there and it’s painful. Hope you get some clarity and love yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi Suane,

    Well, you have hit upon what I consider to be one of the overriding characteristics between men and women, boys and girls. Sex is the thing, very primal, at the core of our being. Each of us brings a unique understanding of how the interaction will play out. In truth, we can never know what the other thinks about us, or what the inner needs of our partner might be. We don’t know the history of this person lying beside us. Shit, we have a hard enough time understanding ourselves, much less the mind of a guy like Mr. Three. I’d point out women can act the same way as him, although men are more inclined to stumble along with excuses. Of course, love can trump all of this, but one must be ready for love and the commitment that goes along with it. Ironically, it takes all of the crap you are talking about to finally arrive at love. Unless you are extremely lucky, love never comes easily and even if it happens early, there is always the strong possibility that life will go against you somehow…accidents, illness, addiction,etc. Nothing is perfect in life and surely nothing is perfect about sex, unless love is present. I got married late in life. I love my partner and she loves me. I had numerous relationships before I found love. Everything you describe, I either did or it was done to me. What I finally learned, was that everything is out of our control. The sadness and the disappointment surrounding my sexual activity gave me the opportunity to learn and I did. I got a PhD in the affairs of the body. Slowly I began to see what this thing called sex was all about and I became a better person, but it took time. So maybe someday this guy will get a clue and stop acting like a dick. But on the other hand, consider what you have learned from the experience. Like the old saying goes, if it doesn’t kill you, it can only make you stronger and, with some exceptions, there are always exceptions to everything, I believe that. So congratulations to you for writing this. Writers who tap something hurtful and worrisome are way ahead of those who make shit up and put themselves in a favorable light. Again , there is great positivity in what you are writing, you just have to make use of it,see it clearly, and believe that someday you will find love and a good fucking that will hopefully last for years. Thanks. Duke

    Liked by 1 person

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