Things I don’t like about myself

Turkish Delight by Summerhill Lane

Things I don’t like about myself

Dear loved ones,

Well, it is 1:14 am and I am still awake and so made myself a cup of coffee to enjoy while I am sitting up in bed looking at the walls.  I have been on my own all weekend and this quiet time has forced me to look deep inside and have a poke around.  I am not liking what I see.

I had hoped and was promised some male companionship but that never panned out.  The lack of communication on his part has me riled up.  Disappointment, anger, feeling rejected, abandoned, low self worth, ugly, resentful, bitter, were some of the feelings bubbling to the surface just because some jerk didn’t have the courtesy to say, ‘heh I’m busy this weekend, how about some other time’.  For all I know maybe he had an emergency, but I doubt it. 

So, my list of things I do not like about myself:

  1. Needing a man to make me feel good about myself
  2. Wanting attention (male attention)
  3. Deep feelings of rejection when disappointed especially in a love situation
  4. Thinking that men will only like me if I am stay beautiful, so worried about aging.
  5. Too sexually needy

There are some more but they all revolve around abandonment issues. 

This needs to be fixed and some changes need to be made.

 I want to feel good and complete all on my own.  No need for someone to complete me.  Being disappointed in a person who makes a date and breaks it with no consideration about letting me know shouldn’t lead to a breakdown.  That is just nonsense.  It should lead to kicking the jack ass to the curb if he didn’t have a good reason.  Smiley face.

A few more months of this self-isolation and I’ll be the divine feminine, sexual goddess or maybe an androgynous hermaphrodite.  I am really laughing now.   

Thank you for reading my early morning, crazy thinking (but very accurate) blog post.  I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

23 thoughts on “Things I don’t like about myself

  1. I’m sure his excuse is well known among women who incorrectly assume they need men’s approval. That feeling is problematic because it only attracts one kind of man. You are apt in knowing that this kind of person is only interested in you because of your appearance but I think you know that this isn’t the kind of man you actually want.

    We aren’t dissimilar. I am also frequently afraid that ageing will make me unattractive but when I think about the women I am most attracted to, their physical appearance only has a minor part to play in it. Those women are much rarer so it sometimes feels as though there’s nobody out there for me. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t the only person who feels like this and it’s not something unique to women.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Ceponatia, thank you very much for your comments on my post and for sharing your feelings with me. I do know I attracting the superficial man and want to change this dynamic in myself. Not put up with bad behaviour from him even if this means being alone. I could write a whole blog post just to you and what you have said. Maybe I will. Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m in the same situation as you . Its difficult to deal with all the different elements that create my own self esteem issues. Laffing is what works best for me to get myself out of the negative outlook and into a positive outlook. Mastrrbation is helpful to lol..💚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are such a real and fun person and beautiful soul. This artwork!!!! Wow.
    Gorgeous, magician-masked, dancing may queen/king… dressed for a flowering festival.

    Liked by 1 person

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