Things I don’t like about myself
Dear loved ones,
Well, it is 1:14 am and I am still awake and so made myself a cup of coffee to enjoy while I am sitting up in bed looking at the walls. I have been on my own all weekend and this quiet time has forced me to look deep inside and have a poke around. I am not liking what I see.
I had hoped and was promised some male companionship but that never panned out. The lack of communication on his part has me riled up. Disappointment, anger, feeling rejected, abandoned, low self worth, ugly, resentful, bitter, were some of the feelings bubbling to the surface just because some jerk didn’t have the courtesy to say, ‘heh I’m busy this weekend, how about some other time’. For all I know maybe he had an emergency, but I doubt it.
So, my list of things I do not like about myself:
- Needing a man to make me feel good about myself
- Wanting attention (male attention)
- Deep feelings of rejection when disappointed especially in a love situation
- Thinking that men will only like me if I am stay beautiful, so worried about aging.
- Too sexually needy
There are some more but they all revolve around abandonment issues.
This needs to be fixed and some changes need to be made.
I want to feel good and complete all on my own. No need for someone to complete me. Being disappointed in a person who makes a date and breaks it with no consideration about letting me know shouldn’t lead to a breakdown. That is just nonsense. It should lead to kicking the jack ass to the curb if he didn’t have a good reason. Smiley face.
A few more months of this self-isolation and I’ll be the divine feminine, sexual goddess or maybe an androgynous hermaphrodite. I am really laughing now.
Thank you for reading my early morning, crazy thinking (but very accurate) blog post. I love you. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane