I tried to kill myself once
Dear loved ones,
I have been dreaming about writing this blog post all night long and the thing that has been foremost in my heart has been my divine masculine. I really am sorry for talking about him au nauseum. I can’t help it.
There are several men around who I have seen in the past and been sexually active with (not at the same time, although that might have been very interesting), who I could take up with again if I felt like it, just to have some man handling (as one very dear person on this blogging platform termed it) and some attention. I am craving attention and affection.
Maybe I am not doing this journey right. The format is like this according to many others:
- Meet your masculine (or feminine) some don’t even have to meet them in the physical
- Intense and immediate bonding called ‘bubble love’. For me this was the love of my life, so intense sexually and spiritually. Overwhelming and somewhat debilitating because I couldn’t function in the 3D world and I would do anything to be with this person, even sell my soul. The 5D connection is powerful between the two and telepathic communication occurs.
- One person runs because the connection is too intense and not understandable. In my case, and in most cases, this is the masculine who runs away or shuts down.
- The other person chases (usually the feminine), because this is the love she has been waiting for her whole life and she can’t lose him.
- The feminine chases and expresses her love for the masculine and the masculine gets quiet and shuts down emotionally.
- The runner stops running when the chaser stops chasing.
- Both trigger each other and there are a lot of tears and heartache. Everything that hurt you in the past is also being cried about. It is very painful.
- Surrender occurs or some call it an allowing phase. Separation and no communication. This is where I am at. I got tired of crumbs and no communication from divine masculine. He would not or could not tell me his situation or if we were ever going to see each other again. I didn’t give up on him but I just let go and allowed him to be.
- Finally, union and a coming together. Maybe. It doesn’t always happen and both people continue on their own paths but they are better for having experienced this.
So, dear loved ones, I am allowing or surrendering. I cannot make divine masculine do anything; he has to be the one to kick start this. I am okay really and happy. Just needing some ‘man handling’. I love that expression and it makes me laugh out loud.
The title is true. I did try to kill myself once. I am ashamed that I sunk that low and saw no other way out of a situation. This happened when I was just married to my second husband. I will talk about it on this blog someday soon. This is something that I never told anyone about but I want to tell you and it’s time I talked about it. My husband knew, but he is gone now.
Thank you for reading my blog post today. I love you very much. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane