Sinking in Vibration

Sinking in vibration

Dear loved ones,

I really hope you don’t mind if I refer to you in this way, because this is how I really feel about you, yes you, individually and together.  It is an interesting experience to love so many who I haven’t met in person but have met only on this platform, WordPress.

The word platform means ‘a raised level surface on which people can meet and stand’.

 I think we are all standing up here together to accomplish something special at this time.  Would you agree?

Yesterday, something terrible came over me.  I felt such an alarming sadness and aloneness that I actually was down on my knees sobbing.  This energy did not all belong to me.  I was fine before this wave hit.  The desire to reach out to my divine masculine was so overwhelming that I caved and sent him a text message.  I just said that I missed him.

He did not respond.

I did feel his sexual energy so I knew he read my message, but he did not give me any tangible assurances that he cared.

What a slap in the face and my self-worth plummeted.  I did this to myself as I already knew he wouldn’t respond.  What is the matter with me?  Being very low vibe. 

A long walk in the park with a meandering river did help restore me, and of course Gibson was along making me smile in spite of myself.  I am feeling more myself today, sexual goddess and divine feminine. Smiley face. 

I promised in my previous post that I would talk about the time I tried to kill myself.  Boy, my vibe was at its lowest then.  This will just be bla bla bla, but I will be brief because I do not want to recreate this experience for you or for me.

As I said I was just newly married to my second husband and we moved into his house in a small town away from my children (they were not babies anymore and didn’t want to move with me). I was being shunned by my mother, siblings, and all friends because I had left my religion.  I even lost my dog because my husband didn’t like small dogs.  I gave away all my possessions because they wouldn’t fit in his house, or he didn’t want them in his house.  It was pitiful.  He started accusing me of being unfaithful with his son.  He even wanted me to wear a bell around my ankle at night so he would wake up when I went to the washroom, so he could walk with me there.  So paranoid.  Horrible horrible.

I took a whole large bottle of aspirin one evening when he was outside doing astronomy.  I thought I would die for sure as I was flopping around on the floor of the bathroom and was so sick.  He came into the house and realized what I had done but he did not do anything for me or even call an ambulance.  He waited and watched.  As you can see, I did not die and I am happy that this was not fatal.  Interesting is the fact that the next day my gold wedding band turned silver and stayed that way for two days afterwards.  Also, I am now deathly allergic to aspirin and Tylenol.

I should have left him then but I did not. 

Thank you for reading my story and I hope that the retelling did not bring your vibration down.  Revisiting this just reminded me what a dope I was and what an ass he was, or another way to look at it, what a narcissist he was and what a empathic dope I was.

I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane