A continuation of pull up your big girl pants

Path Unknown by Summerhill Lane

Continuation of pull up your big girl pants

Dear loved ones,

I would rather be talking about pulling down my big girl pants and tossing them away and be liberated from all fetters.  I have been under constraints and in captivity most of my life, childhood and adult, so now I just want to run wild and be free.  You have all heard of the example of a spring that is pressed too tight, when the pressure is released it will just bounce all over the place.  Well, that is me.  Just a bouncy spring. 

Today I wanted to write about the time a person told me to pull up my big girl pants and do what needed doing. 

On August 26, 2018 I drove my husband to the hospital to get himself checked for a bladder infection.  I didn’t believe he had an infection but he was trying to blame his actions of late on this condition.  He wanted an excuse for his horrendous behaviour towards me.  This bladder infection was making him act crazy, excuse.

Days before he had confessed to a health care person that he had been physically violent towards me.  Why he told on himself, I did not know because he had always covered it up before.  The health care person’s name was Faith.

Faith called me and asked for details about this physical violence and whether this was all recent and if there was anything else I wanted to tell her about the situation.  I told everything and left nothing out.  It occurred to me that the constant emotional and mental abuse did not register with anyone but only when physical violence occurs will it be taken seriously. 

We waited a long time in the waiting room at the hospital and many others were getting looked after who had arrived long after us.  While waiting I received a phone call from Angelica, the head of the health unit.  She is the one that told me to speak to the doctor about what has been going on and that they were going to keep him in the hospital for a few days so that would give me time to move out of my home.  Also, Angelica was the one that said, “Pull Up Your Big Girl Pants and Do What You Have to Do!  because I was hemming and hawing and being afraid to actually walk away (or run away) when given the chance.  The opportunity was being placed before me and all I had to do was follow through.  This opportunity would not come again.

“What if he doesn’t have a bladder infection, how can you keep him here”?

The doctor told me that my husband didn’t have a bladder infection, but they were going to keep him for a few days for observation. The doctor was in on it and lied saying intravenous antibiotics was necessary.

I considered this an intervention of the angelic kind, because I didn’t know how I was going to escape without being beaten to death first.  My husband was 20 years older than me, but he was very strong and powerful especially when in a rage. 

It occurred to me later that this all fell together so smoothly, and just look at the names of the people involved:

  • First husband telling on himself
  • Faith
  • Angelica
  • Doctor Brave

I had 24 hours to pack up my things and leave my home.  I took some clothes, artwork and painting supplies, some photo albums and little else. 

Everything was left behind, all my personal belongings, but I did not care.  The only thing that mattered was freedom and my life.  I am getting the chance to finally live. Yeh!

Thank you for reading my post today.  It is not the least bit funny or sexy, but it is true and it is a relief for me to share it with you.  Thank you again for being here.  I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

23 thoughts on “A continuation of pull up your big girl pants

  1. Wow. Wow wow wow. I was drawn in by the humour of the first line, entranced by the stunning artwork (do you understand how talented you are???? It’s rare) and then just blown away completely by this story. Absolutely beautiful. When small lies are good. (Thank god for that doctor, and faith, and the truth your husband told, which allowed you to escape – and thank god you made haste, when the sun finally shone.) And now… freedom. 🙏💛 Stay safe 🤗💞🔆

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so very much Lia for commenting on my post today. It really felt like divine intervention when I just think how it all fell together and the names of the people involved. Somehow this escape was provided voilà! I had prayed for help and help arrived. No dilly dallying just run. So I did. Freedom is so wonderful I can hardly believe it. Sending you lots and lots of love. Summerhill xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes absolutely the name, all the divine signs, the serendipity, and your good actions. :)) 💛🎉🙌 p.s. what medium do you use for your artwork? Is it watercolour? xoxoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Although I was never abused I always felt for the women that were. It is hard. You were so lucky to have all those people help you. I hope you have not gone back. If you have, there is nothing I can say. If you haven’t then great job. Peace

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good question and not morbid at all. My husband was a brilliant man but also a predator and he knew he had crossed the line and had informed on himself. He didn’t care about me and the bodily harm he was doing and had been doing, but he did care about consequences to himself.
      When I left him at the hospital he wouldn’t let me even touch his hand – “just go already “ we’re his last words to me.
      His daughter came and collected him and stayed with him and other family members as well took turns until he was comfortable being by himself. Also health care workers came in the morning and at night to help him if needed. So he was surrounded and had a veritable feast of consultation and empathy poured all over him. I would feature as the bad guy in his oratorical pontification. 😁
      Thank you for asking as it gave me a chance to vent and use some big words 🤪

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, it does suck indeed when the bad guys get all the loving support. gag is a good response. I know for a fact that I was seen as the bad person for leaving and he had his pose around him as he laid it on thick. a very big gag response from me. Love you.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh my God. Thanks for sharing. I really love this. You’re amazing, and good picking up on those cues. If you ever wrote a bio, you’re in good hands. Your stories are captivating and you remember things in excruciating detail. Even if it may be at the cost of comfort and mental stability. You make me feel so empowered to be able to tell my own stories. Life is beautiful and we must tell the nooks and crannies we passed to be here today. 🙂 Leaving your abusive husband was one of those things. And it tells us a lot about you. *hugs*

    “It occurred to me that the constant emotional and mental abuse did not register with anyone but only when physical violence occurs will it be taken seriously.” *trigger warning: mentions of violence and abuse*


    That stood out to me a lot because my father’s abuse wasn’t taken seriously either because of that. He never hit me. But he hit every other sibling in my family that’s older than me and every sibling of mine that wasn’t his blood, and my mom. And of course that’s adult stuff so if I were to talk about my isolated experience as a survivor of witnessing that abuse as well as experiencing it on a mental and verbal and emotional level, alone, it would mean nothing. What the fuck is up with humanity for having these false standards of abuse? Thanks for talking to us all about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear darling Kuudere1, thank you for taking the time to talk to me here on this page. I appreciate your support and kindness. We really need to change the way we behave towards one another and not continue to allow ourselves to be swallowed up in dark energies. I considered my husband a dark energy. I am talking about this as a way to release this from my body and spirit and to say the buck stops here. No more. It is okay to pull back the curtain and shine some light on this nastiness and maybe they will shrivel up and crawl back in the hole they came out of. I am laughing as I picture this. My step-children who were raised by this man, each have took turns needing counseling and support for the damage done to them during their childhood years, so it is not nothing just because you don’t have the bruises or broken bones. Sending you lots and lots of love. I wish I could attach some emoji hearts but there are none here on this computer.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awe, thanks. A cool thing I learned on the computer is that if you right click on where you wish to type, the word ’emoji’ will pop up, along with other options. And if you click that option, you’ll be led to the computer’s emojis! Hope that helps. And yes, it is a wonderful picture. As a child, it was hard to justify my abuse to others because I was one of the children my father refused to physically hit. People overlooked me. And my parents stayed married to make sure our family wouldn’t be broken up, despite all the abuse and violence. My stepsiblings got all the physical abuse. DCFS was shooed away. A lonely sad life where you think this will be your forever, and you’re helpless, and no one will never notice or save you from the hell you’re in. Especially because you can’t prove it enough to the outside world. Because tough love is my ‘abuse’ and vice versa. Because my dad was doing his child-rearing his way. Without a manual, so totally accurate however he chose. Because no one can judge a parent, and we must empathize with them. Because the parent knows what’s right. Because once an abusive asshole has a child, they’re one of those no longer. They’re just a parent.

        Because children can be treated any way. They better be lucky for their existence. Because as long as they exist they’re being treated perfectly and don’t need a say anyways.

        Yeah. All those lies. All those abusers. All because they can and no one will stop them. And the systems put in place to do so are so faulty.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Dear Kuudere 1, thank you for the tips on finding emojis on my computer, I will for sure put that feature to use.
        There has been so much abuse inflicted on children that it it is a wonder any of us are able to heal ourselves and find a way out so we are not emotionally crippled. This is our job now to say no more. I will not let this rule or ruin my life and I will not keep this going to the next generation. I feel that if I can heal myself in some way others are healed too. Every change for the better affect the whole, something like that.
        Sending you a whole lot of love and lots of hugs too. ❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗🤗

        Liked by 1 person

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