Why am I still writing this blog?
Dear friends, loved ones,
It is a very warm and muggy day today and it has been like this for the last few weeks. I am wilting and being lethargic. The days are drifting by and tomorrow it will be July 1st, Canada Day. There will be no celebrations or social gatherings or shooting off fireworks. No big barbeques and games in the park, corn roasts, canoe races, face painting stations, sitting on the grass and just chit chatting with friends you haven’t seen in awhile. Nothing. Nada.
Mr. Three had invited me over to his place this evening to set off some fireworks of our own (his words), but I haven’t heard from him all day. Here we go again. Why is he keeping me on this string? I should just cut the cord once and for all. And I can hear your voices loud and clear, “go ahead and cut the cord for god’s sake so we don’t have to hear about this guy anymore and how he is keeping you strung along’.
There has been a definite pattern to the men I have been picking. Each of them is emotionally unavailable or unavailable for other reasons. Maybe I like that in a man. Maybe I don’t want a serious relationship and am afraid to get involved that deeply. I am afraid of picking another manipulator. I am a magnet for them.
Look at me.
Love me up
Then turn away.
Please call me up another day.
The only man that really expressed genuine love towards me, I sent packing because I couldn’t stand it that he loved me. I felt pressured. He wanted a commitment; I was just not ready for that. Let me be free. Let me be wild. Let me live.
When I told him, I wanted to see him but also be able to see other men if I want, he was shocked. “I am not going to be good with that!” After a week or so he messaged me saying, “I don’t care what you do or who you see, as long as you see me too”. He must have loved me to be willing to give me my freedom.
I didn’t believe him though and still said no.
Getting back to the title of this blog post – Why am I still writing this blog?
As you can see by the theme or subheading this blog is about my twin flame and the journey. My soulmate, love of my life, true love, red ray, golden ray, twin ray – made up name …… I met him a year ago almost to the day, I think it was on June 27, 2019. We matched on a dating site. A spark was lit just from text messages, phone calls flamed it, and a bomb went off when we met and fucked. I have never been the same.
Even divine masculine is unavailable and keeping himself distant. I wanted an adventure with him and I have had it, maybe not the adventure I was picturing but it has been out of this world (literally) erotic, passionate, sexual, sensual, mind blowing, all my long-held beliefs and programming have been overwritten. I wish I had the language to explain myself, but I fall short.
So why do I keep writing about this journey when DM is not available and it doesn’t look very promising that he wants to finally meet me for a second go around. Did I learn all there was from him and now is it time for my departure? Will I continue on my own, or will I find someone else that is a soul connection? I only have questions and no answers.
Today, I danced in the park and made Gibson dance with me. It was the funniest thing. I was waving a stick in the air and doing dance moves and he was standing on his hind legs trying to grab the stick, but it really looked like dance steps. Ha ha.
The song we were dancing to was: Let’s Get Married by Jagged Edge. What a good beat. When you listen to it try to not dance. Impossible.
Thank you for listening to me talk some sense into myself. I love you. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xo