Dear loved ones,
Hello. Good evening. I started this blog post yesterday, and the day before and again this morning, but I had nothing to say. I felt flat, beaten down like a cardboard box being prepared for the recycle bin. Actually I published this post once but immediately put it back into draft mode. I was whining too much.
I went on a coffee date with Mr. Three last Sunday. It was very nice. He is really very nice. He is not my divine masculine but we get along very well together. I asked him if we were just friends now or something more. He said: “how about friends with benefits”. I said no, if there are going to be benefits then we have to be more than just friends. I haven’t heard from him all week and it is troubling me. Just say something, anything, don’t keep me hanging around like I am not worth a piece of shit. This type of thing is making me feel needy and I hate that feeling. Why do I even bother anymore with anyone.
This poem by Sabah Khodir is so beautiful and expressive and I wanted to share it with you. She describe a lot of what I have been going through. I wish I wasn’t like this as I need to toughen up and not be so delicate.
“To the delicate,
You will fall for the rough ones. the cold ones. the ones filled with apathy. you will spend your time counting their affection in change. you will stuff your pockets with silence. you will settle for second hand love. Delicate, you will be fashioned in the art of forgiveness. you will love like it’s a religion. you will memorize birthdays, phone numbers, and the moments you’ve heard goodbye. and when life becomes unyielding, and the burden too heavy, you will fault yourself. blame the material you are made of. say that you rip too easy, expect too much, give too often. you are a well that keeps on leaking.
but even if you overflow, even if the thunder finds your home, you must remain soft. and if they have broken your heart, allow it to make you softer. kinder. do not imitate the cruel. do not allow yourself to take the shape of those who hurt you.”
― Sabah Khodir
Thank you for reading Sabah Khodir. She is magnificent beyond belief. I love you. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo