Ego verses Love

Ego verses Love

Dear loved ones,

Hello, good morning.  It is a lovely day here in Toronto, Canada, sunny, warm (actually hot and muggy), a light breeze is blowing and billowy white clouds are dancing across the sky.  Today I am going on a picnic with my friend Mr. Perfect.  We will be walking quite a way on the park trails and hopefully find a shady spot to lay down a blanket and spread a feast.  I bought lots of food yesterday in preparation.  This will not be a romantic liaison, at least from my point of view, but it will be fun and very nice. 

A few days ago, in my post I talked about blocking and deleting and creating space.  I did block a few people (all men) including my divine masculine.  I regretted that decision almost immediately.  It felt too final, like nailing a coffin shut then burying it.  Here is what happened that same evening.

I was laying in my little bed getting ready to fall asleep, and maybe I was asleep.  There was a presence with me and my body jumped right off the mattress exactly like I was being fucked. (I am sorry to be so graphic in describing this).  It was very strong and extremely sexually stimulating.  Then DM spoke and asked me please to unblock him.  He said, how was he supposed to connect with me when the time was right.

I unblocked him right away.

I know this sounds very weird and strange but this kind of thing has been happening all along with my connection with DM.  Most of our interaction has been a 5D experience and our 3D text messages, emails and phone calls have stopped.  The last email from him was back in May. 

Was I blocking him because I was still angry with him?  Was I blocking him to feel in control of the situation?  Was this just my Ego? 

Please if anyone else has experience such things, please let me know.  I am certainly not crazy or insane and have come into balance with my emotions.  I do admit things got out of hand emotionally when this experience with divine masculine first started and I was trying to figure out what the F was going on. 

Attached to the bottom of this post is something that I wrote when I was trying to make sense of the insensible.  It is called: What the fuck is this?

Thank you for being with me again today.  It really means more than you can know to have made friends with so many of you here on WordPress.  I appreciate you and I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo

What the Fuck is This?

Warning sexual language and content 18+

God she was heart sick.  What the fuck was going on?  She was in love with him and told him so a hundred times.  She craved him, needed him, desired him, wanted him and only him.  Maybe he just didn’t give a shit about her and she was boring him.  Maybe, but she doesn’t think so.  She could feel him and knew she is mirroring him as well. 

So, what was happening?  He was stalling and stalling and stalling some more to the point where she wanted to give up on him but her heart wouldn’t let her.  Be patient he says, wait he says.  She told him one of her flaws was her patience.  He probably thought she was being factious but she was serious.  Her constant patience was, in the past, used against her and was another name for doormat.   

She had been sexually active with others even though she was deeply in love with him.  He actually encouraged it.  Why?  It didn’t seem natural.  Even when she told him she had broken it off with the two she had been seeing, he told her to keep looking and keep flirting.  Was this to fill her time and satisfy her sexual desires while she was waiting for him to figure things out, or just so she could tell him about her liaisons for his amusement.

All this off putting was becoming predictable; she knew not to expect anything to come of his words and arrangements.  It was getting to be too much and she was wanting to shut down and cover her head with a blanket. Never, never, never again would she give into weakness and despair.  No, no, no she told herself be strong, do your own thing and to hell with him, find someone else who actually wanted to spend some time with her. But her heart was attached and this chain that connected them could not be broken easily.  In fact, she knew that it would not ever break even if she never saw him again in this life.  She told him she would wait for him forever and she meant what she said. 

What she needed from him was a real conversation and not this texting bullshit where everything could be read a thousand different ways and you were always left guessing as to what was meant and how serious to take it.  She needed face time, skin time, lips touching time, dripping sex time, play time, laughing together time, cuddling time, hugging time, eye to eye time and truth time.  Instead she got wait time and patience time and amuse yourself time.  This was all very confusing and painful for her. 

She waits.

She is patient.

She amuses herself with others.

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

10 thoughts on “Ego verses Love

  1. I have many things I could contribute here but it’s a little bit too public. 🙂 I wish you well. All I can say is go with your intuition. I’m sure you are right in how you are feeling about unblocking him.

    I struggle with following my gut sometimes about many situations, and I am learning to stay true to myself more these days. It’s hard, but it’s worth it in the end. Good luck and enjoy your picnic.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. As I was about to start typing this reply this song came on

    You were
    You were
    I’m lost when your away
    Singing songs about you, baby
    Bring you back to me
    I’m on my knees, mm
    Give me your patience
    Wanna feel your pain
    Give me your patience
    Wanna feel your pain
    Give me your
    Give me more
    Give me faith
    I’ll be your soldier
    I’m hungry for
    A little more
    I’ll be your soldier
    I’m hungry for
    A little more
    I wade your walls
    The way I love
    The way I love, it’s coming in those ways
    Ooh, give me all of the rain
    Give me more, hey, hey, hey
    I’ll give you anything
    Don’t make me wait, baby
    I see your eyes in me
    Your eyes are watering
    I love your songs, ooh-oh-oh
    I love your songs, ooh
    Don’t rush the thing that’s sacred
    Give me your patience
    Wanna feel your pain
    Give me your patience
    Wanna feel your pain
    Give me your patience
    Wanna feel your pain
    Give me your patience
    Wanna feel your pain
    Ooooh

    I understand because I too have experiences that defy explanation. God sometimes I feel my DM so strongly I literally don’t know what to do with myself. I have been sleeping alone as you know and it has been cold the last few nights and in the past when I have slept alone on a cold night I would be freezing even with a blanket (my blood pressure drops a lot when I sleep and I have a slow pulse) but I wake up now toasty warm, and often with the sense of being held securely. If I am being honest I do think it was, at least, partially ego. One of the readers I listen to says that “when you block your twin, you are just blocking yourself.” The ego seeks to control, manipulate, and define. The journey opens us up and leaves us feeling very raw and vulnerable. Most of what we experience can’t be translated into the 3D. The way we define emotions doesn’t even come close to the experience itself. Emotions are always tricky for the ego. The ego is mostly concerned with survival. Procure resources. Avoid discomfort (this includes people and situations which invoke strong emotions and at times sadly it even includes parts of our self). The ego also is responsible for habit formation and addictive behaviors which provide a false sense of security.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t know if that presence you’ve been experiencing is mystical, spiritual or intuition, Summerhill, but you practice excellent introspection, something not everyone does. This practice of defining your motives, emotions and feelings, though often painful in the present, will serve you well in the long run.

    Liked by 2 people

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