Clueless

Walk ten steps ahead my darling by Summerhill Lane
No I will not be quiet by Summerhill Lane
End of the day and nothing to say by Summerhill Lane

Clueless

Dear loved ones,

It has been quite a few days since I have written anything new for my blog, but I did resurrect an erotic short story titled “No Strings Attached”.  The person I write about in this saga does exist, and we have a friendly connection still in a detached sort of way.  He says he wants to stay in contact and remain friends, and I am good with that.  He also says he wants me to come and hang out with him, but I know what he really wants.  Ha ha.  I like him a lot but I do not love him. 

I really hate to admit this to you, but I will, there have been men falling out of the trees for me.  Too many to handle.  I don’t want to handle them either, as I only want my divine masculine.  Mr. Perfect has been very attentive and I appreciate this.  He walks with me and holds my hand, we dance together, we go out to dinner and watch movies etc. etc. This is supposed to be a “just chatting” connection and is what we decided on when we first met.  He was going through a breakup with his spouse and needed someone to talk to, and I needed someone to pay attention to me.  Smiley face.  He was using me and I was using him as agreed upon. 

Now, he is getting very friendly and wants an intimate relationship, more of a friend with benefits type.  To be honest, I want the friend part without the benefits.  This is a very big change for me since I started this journey.  Oh, I love sex and that hasn’t changed, but I only want it with the person that I love and who loves me.  I want an honest to god relationship (however that would look) and not just friends with benefits.  Actually, a loving relationship wouldn’t have to be the standard husband and wife, living in the same house, etc.  It could be totally different but based on love and honesty. 

I think our whole concept of relationships needs an overhaul.  We haven’t been doing too well with this anyway. 

I am titling this post “Clueless”, because I really feel clueless and helpless in regards to this twin flame journey.  I don’t know what I should do now, if anything.  I have been honest and up front with my feelings and have expressed my love and embarrassed myself in doing so.  Do I have to live without my twin in my life?  Do I wait patiently until I am ready for the senior’s home?  I am laughing about this now, because it is very funny to think about.  Am I being stupid to wait?  Does my twin even have a clue about any of this?  Am I delusional? 

I am not giving up but I am surrendering.  I have to just say “whatever” and stop thinking about it and trying to control an outcome.  Everything that I could do or say has been done and said. It is out of my hands now.

Thank you for reading my rambling thoughts.  I have to stop thinking so much and just paint, paint, and paint.  I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

26 thoughts on “Clueless

  1. I don’t know about your future, about the twin flame thing.
    But I wish you good luck in and with your life.
    And these paintings always have this special unique touch of yours.
    Many seem like out of another world or dream land in some way. 🙂
    The first one actually feels pretty real and it looks like out of a cartoon.
    Just the first impression was, that I felt as if I would be walking there as well, while some cars drive by. Cold air, just enough to still feel warm enough because of the jacket and walking.

    I mean, this is my interpretation and you probably processed something completely different there. I also have an idea what, but I am not sure, probably wrong. I just know, that my father also used to walk “ten” steps ahead of us often, when we were walking somewhere.
    Eh… rambling… yes.

    💕 Happy painting out there!
    (How many paintings are there already, if I am allowed to ask?)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you John for your comments and impressions on my paintings. I like to hear what you think. The first painting “walk ten steps ahead of me darling is done from a sketch I did of buildings in the city of Zagreb, Croatia, and the men there usually walk in front of and ahead of their wives. It is just their natural way of being. Many European men have this same behavior I think, at least of the older generations. It was getting cold outside when I did the sketch, so the people would have to bundle up a little bit.
      You asked about how many paintings I have produced already. Well, there are too many to count at this point. But I will keep painting anyway.
      Sending you many hugs and lots of love. ❤❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am not surprised that men are falling out of the trees you are a gorgeous/vivacious divine feminine! Trust in how you feel, if you act from a place of love you will never be off course. Lately I have been more optimistic about the whole journey. I don’t know anymore than I did but I feel something, I know we are in this together. “I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me.” I am getting that song.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am so impressed by your art. Your first picture image reminds me of North London where we hang out with friends.

    I know everyone is different, and we all go through phases and change….but I can’t make love to a man I don’t love. I dated so many men in my twenties and early thirties – it’s embarrassing to think of how many men paid for my meals out and drinks etc, but I did not want to get in bed with them. I made out with some of them, and usually their terrible kissing was the final straw – and I knew it was a no.

    I am glad I had “Greg”. I needed a physical connection. He wanted an ABF centred relationship and that was just right for the time. It was all about comfort and affection. Hand holding and chatting to each other were just what I needed.

    But then Simon…wow….Simon…he moved so fast he did not give me time to think. He was just amazing, amazing. And Ben….so perfect, in every way. But all that time I dated….I just could not have sex with a man just because….I could not do it. It would have been like trying to eat a big meal when I was not hungry. But when the time was right, and when the man was just right, the desire the appetite were all there. And it was great.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Jenna, I like your comparison about eating a big meal when you are not hungry and making out with a man you are not in love with. Exactly!
      Thank you for liking my paintings too. The first one is from a sketch I did of some building in Zagreb Croatia, so it may look something like North London. Sending you hugs and lots of love ❤️❤️🤗🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Well, I just fell outta the man-tree, but I’m here for the words man, I swear.😉
    Just wondering if anything can move me anymore.
    Dig the artwork. Are those watercolor or water-based inks? I feel compelled, at some point, to explore a more graphic medium.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sudrakarma, you made me laugh out loud with “I just fell out of the man-tree” comment. Thank you for liking my art. These paintings are done with watercolour which is my favorite medium, but I do use acrylic and oil paint less frequently. Sending you love.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: