Dear loved ones,
It has been quite a few days since I have written anything new for my blog, but I did resurrect an erotic short story titled “No Strings Attached”. The person I write about in this saga does exist, and we have a friendly connection still in a detached sort of way. He says he wants to stay in contact and remain friends, and I am good with that. He also says he wants me to come and hang out with him, but I know what he really wants. Ha ha. I like him a lot but I do not love him.
I really hate to admit this to you, but I will, there have been men falling out of the trees for me. Too many to handle. I don’t want to handle them either, as I only want my divine masculine. Mr. Perfect has been very attentive and I appreciate this. He walks with me and holds my hand, we dance together, we go out to dinner and watch movies etc. etc. This is supposed to be a “just chatting” connection and is what we decided on when we first met. He was going through a breakup with his spouse and needed someone to talk to, and I needed someone to pay attention to me. Smiley face. He was using me and I was using him as agreed upon.
Now, he is getting very friendly and wants an intimate relationship, more of a friend with benefits type. To be honest, I want the friend part without the benefits. This is a very big change for me since I started this journey. Oh, I love sex and that hasn’t changed, but I only want it with the person that I love and who loves me. I want an honest to god relationship (however that would look) and not just friends with benefits. Actually, a loving relationship wouldn’t have to be the standard husband and wife, living in the same house, etc. It could be totally different but based on love and honesty.
I think our whole concept of relationships needs an overhaul. We haven’t been doing too well with this anyway.
I am titling this post “Clueless”, because I really feel clueless and helpless in regards to this twin flame journey. I don’t know what I should do now, if anything. I have been honest and up front with my feelings and have expressed my love and embarrassed myself in doing so. Do I have to live without my twin in my life? Do I wait patiently until I am ready for the senior’s home? I am laughing about this now, because it is very funny to think about. Am I being stupid to wait? Does my twin even have a clue about any of this? Am I delusional?
I am not giving up but I am surrendering. I have to just say “whatever” and stop thinking about it and trying to control an outcome. Everything that I could do or say has been done and said. It is out of my hands now.
Thank you for reading my rambling thoughts. I have to stop thinking so much and just paint, paint, and paint. I love you. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo