Being a Bitch
Dear loved ones,
Hello. I have missed you. It has been several days that I have stayed away from you and my computer. I felt blank. Is this what you call writer’s block? It kind of felt like a life block. I tried writing poetry – but nothing appeared on my page. Erotica – I have to forget about that too for the moment as I am dry. Sorry had to squeeze something suggestive into this. Smiley face.
Health issues are boring subjects and who really cares, and I certainly don’t wish to share these irrelevant details. Time enough for all those health-related conversations when I am locked away in the old people’s house. We will bore each other to death then.
I went for a motorcycle ride with my friend Mr. Perfect on Saturday. We stayed off the highways and stuck to the lakeshore roads with slower traffic and more stops. It was the most fun I have had in a long time. The sun, the breeze, the music playing, the scenery, the jokes, the laughter. I had my hands on his shoulders and gave him a little massage every time we stopped at a light. I have healing hands. (I really do)
Mr. Perfect has been a good friend to me and is very attentive. We are not supposed to be moving into any kind of relationship as per our agreement at the beginning, but he sure is trying to soften me up. There was and is no chemistry between us, at least for me, but he is starting to grow on me. There is no drama. He plays no games. He is consistent. I like that about him. If he says he is going to phone me at a certain time, he phones me at that time. If he says he is coming over, he comes over. If he makes a date with me, he keeps the date, or at least lets me know it won’t happen because of this or that reason. And, a big one, he likes to dance and is good at it.
Do you see where I am going here.
How do I become more of a bitch?
I am way too nice and accommodating. Even if a person is my twin flame, soul mate, love of my life, I should not make allowances for and tolerate bad behaviour.
Be clear, be consistent, or go away.
I don’t want to have to guess and decode cryptic text messages. I hate them for this very reason. So easy to get bread crumbed with a little heart emoji and gif of a cucumber. I can (and did) read lots of loving things into this and could string myself along for another couple of weeks. It took very little from him to take the edge off. I had enough love flowing for the both of us and all I needed was some little token of his affection once in awhile. Of course, you might guess that I am talking about my divine masculine here. It is not his fault that I would settle for so little as I did not value myself. He has been a very good teacher. He has given me the much needed kick in the butt.
Mr. Three has been playing this same game with me for the past five months, and I have allowed it. Not because he is the love of my life, actually, I do not know why I have allowed it. I wanted attention and he was offering. Finally, I donned my best bitch imitation and told him I was leaving the connection. He was too nebulous, not consistent, didn’t keep his promises, left me in the dark with no communication for days on end so that I began to think he had died. Now, he promises to make things up to me, but I don’t even care.
It is kind of fun being a bitch. I would like to be more of a bitch seductress, and I wonder if I could pull it off. Please don’t believe anything I say here, as I don’t think I have a bitch bone in my body. Also, thank you for reading this post and being with me. Sending you lots of love and hugs and kisses too. Summerhill Lane xoxo
P. S. the three paintings at the beginning are of my second husband. He died this past April 7th. I did many portraits of him and I knew his face intimately, every nuance and expression. In fact I would study his face for clues as to whether it was safe for me to speak. This is another story which I will not get into now. I miss him and I don’t know why.