A Rose in my heart by Summerhill Lane
Nighttime Pines by Summerhill Lane
Blow Down by Summerhill Lane
Basking and baking in the blue by Summerhill Lane


Dear loved ones,

Hello from a sunny, warm Toronto, Canada.  It is 21degrees Celsius this afternoon and I am laying in the sunshine as it flows in and heats up my bedroom (my office and art studio).  I should be outside walking Gibson (Pomeranian/Papillon) and getting some air and exercise, and I will shortly. 

There is something important that I wanted to share with you today, at least it feels important.  This idea of allowing.  I do not know what that really means when it comes to this twin flame journey I have been on.  There have been terms passed around that sound similar, for example; unconditional love, letting go, surrendering, no expectations. 

Do I love my divine masculine unconditionally?  I would have to say I do not, because I still focus on conditions.  I want to see his face and hear his voice, and have an explanation for his silence. To have union with him in someway shape or form.

Have I let go of him? Again, the answer is no.  I think about him every day and often all day long.

Have I surrendered? I don’t know what that means.

No expectations? To be honest, I expected him to respond to my text message.  He didn’t and I was hurt, so that is proof that I do have expectations. 

I am happy with my life as it is.  There are men around that want to be with me and although it is an exaggeration to say I have to beat them off with a stick, it is still funny to say it like that.  Ha ha.  I have two dates scheduled for this weekend and all I can think about is how to get out of it and see neither one. 

The painting at the start is of a rose (obviously) and this rose represents this journey, this passion, this mystery, this unbelievable connection that cannot be denied.  It has taken up all the available room in my heart, but my heart is also expanding and evolving. 

I know this sounds like nonsense, and maybe it is.  I know what I know regardless of whether I can explain it or not.  Thank you for reading and being here with me on this platform.  I love you, hugs & kisses, Summerhill Lane 

P.S. I hope you like this painting of the rose (my most recent, done in acrylic), and a few other ones that are included.  Kisses.

Published by summerhilllane

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31 thoughts on “Allowing

  1. I absolutely love your paintings and your latest painting really speaks to me.

    I know what you mean. Surrender baffles me. Sometimes when my ego and emotions have whipped me into hysterics and I am in fight or flight mode he will speak to me calmly and despite my overwhelming fear I will choose to open my heart up even if it’s only a crack and this amazing feeling washes over me of love and I feel like I am floating and sinking at the same time. I think maybe surrender is just choosing to trust.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beautiful poet, I like your explanation of surrender, choosing to trust that it will all work out in whatever way it is going to. Allowing is much the same I think. Trusting and allowing things to unfold as they will without trying to control an outcome. I think I am almost there. I chose to trust, as do you. I love you beautiful one and thank you for your comments and wisdom. 🧡💛💚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your paintings are amazing! I like the ‘Nighttime pines’.

    The life would be better if people didn’t have any expectations towards others. But they do… Of course, you wanted him to text you back because you liked him and you hoped that he liked you too. And even if he does, there’s always that fear that one day he might leave you, seeking someone dreamed up who never existed. Love is never what you think it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi W. Donovan, thank you saying what you have said and for liking my paintings. I also like this one of Nighttime pines. I took the same sketch and painted it differently to reflect a darker mood. It is hard to not have expectations and just allow others to be how they are going to be. I am working hard at just loving and not expecting. Almost impossible though. Sending you lots of love and hugs too.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As always, great and wonderful! ❤

    The painting of the rose is very good and I like it, but it seems as if the rose is a little hurt, a little blurry and not fully in shape. Still shining and from the first view perfectly fine, but then the colors have a sad undertone, like a transparent gray net above it. (Just what I saw and felt)

    The "Nighttime pines" has a peaceful and calming atmosphere. Watching the stars next to some trees and bushes. By the way, is there someone in a boat near the middle or at least someone sitting there? (Sorry, in case it was something completely different)

    "Blow Down" seems to near water and a storm blew down at least one of the trees. It is either about to fall into the water, the lake / river or hovers, caught by the last few roots above the water surface.

    And last but not least "Basking and baking", in a way it is very different from the others. The plants have no color, at least they seem hollow, almost transparent. The ground is blue, as if it was sad and the sky a mixture of warmth and cold air. A wind, some air.

    Well… I hope I didn't write anything wrong and it was more about what I interpreted, than what it might actually was about and how you felt painting it. Your paintings usually make me wonder and think about things, as well as look closer. I really like how they are having different styles and "characters" (or how it is said), but there still is a unique tone following them. 🤗🤗🥰💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi John, you are right about the rose painting, it is a little hurt as it is in my heart and my heart is bursting with this love for my masculine but it is not reciprocated. Still this doesn’t matter so much because it is the love that is important and not what I get out of it. It is blurry and ill formed because my heart is a work in progress. Also the rose is a name, and he will understand this but no one else.
      Nighttime pines, yes there is someone sitting in the boat in the middle. I did the sketch as I was out canoeing and there were other boaters around so sketched one of them into the painting.
      Blow Down actually happened in an area where I was living awhile back and I did a sketch of one of the trees that had blown over close to the river but not actually touching the water. (you have a very good eye).
      Basking and baking in the blue is about focusing some healing light and energy in a particular area where it was needed and not so much about the scene itself.
      Thank you so very much for taking your time to talk about the paintings. I really like sharing this with you. Sending you love and hugs too.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I was reading your post and it brought back memories of the few years I had of dating and not meeting the right person – they seemed to be queueing up to take me out for a drink or a meal. I was comparing them to my first boyfriend, but at the same time would not have dreamed of getting back together with my first boyfriend. Yet he was in my heart, he was in my bones, and every other man seemed like a cardboard cut out.
    Simon rescued me from that state but inflicted his own pain on me. Ben is the one who tied all the ends together and made everything seem like a journey I had to take to reach Ben.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you darling Jenna for your comments and reflections on my post “Allowing”. It is so true that every person we have in our life is meant to be there for one reason or another and sometimes it takes a lot of reflection to figure this out. I am very happy that you have met your Ben as he is a real soul mate for you. My masculine (I call him divine masculine) is still strongly in my heart and I think he will always be part of me. Sending you lots of love and hugs.


  5. I love all your paintings my friend. So lovely. Life is not easy when you are alone. You are a talented and beautiful young woman my sweet friend. Try and stand up for what is you want in life. You do deserve bro be happy and treated with respect. Love you my friend. Your paintings are really beautiful. Love ya Joni

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Joni, so nice to hear from you. Thank you for your complements on my paintings and for your encouragement with my blog and this path I am on. I love you too and look forward to reading your poetry and posts. Kisses and hugs, Summerhill

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m starting a new journey, that’s ‘painting’ soon. I can admit am scared but I have been pushing it for sometime now.I love your painting 🥰
    Anyway the part where you said you have two dates and feel like you want to go to neither of them.. wooah that’s me too..

    Liked by 1 person

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