He was a player. Did he turn me into one too?
Dear loved ones,
It is a cold and cloudy day here in Toronto, Canada and I have a sore throat and am feeling lethargic and blah, so canceled the two dates that were arranged for this weekend. I didn’t really feel like seeing anyone anyway as I mentioned in my previous blog post “Allowing”. My heart was not in it. These dates were with Mr. Perfect and Mr. No Strings Attached (in case you were curious).
My blog is 10 months old now as I started it on December 16th, 2019. I have been reading over older posts. OMG what a cry baby I have been, always whining and bellyaching about divine masculine and how I miss him, and why do I miss him as he gave me no good reason to love him.
Logic didn’t play a part in this at all.
Snap, hooked on him in an instant like he was a long-lost lover from another time.
Flash, heated up and stayed hot for him no matter what he did or didn’t do.
Blast, full body orgasms just with his thought.
Floored, love sick and senseless.
I didn’t know at the time that it was just a sexual game, something to pass the time while he was at work. I also was active in this game and drew others into the playing of it. I feel ashamed of myself a little, but not that much. It was fun. I had fun. It was an adventure. I have been transformed and made new. Everything happened as it was supposed to.
Will I continue to want my divine masculine to be present in my life? Maybe.
Will I find someone else to have a stable committed relationship with?
I don’t know.
Even those words, “stable and committed” are boring to say and to imagine. Sounds like a prison sentence with three square a day.
My idea of an ideal relationship:
a connection, a partnership where we are like sparks that come together to create something amazing and positive and healing, then go our separate ways to do our own thing, then come together again for another big explosive event. In love with each other but not possessive or co-dependent.
I don’t really want to wash his dirty underwear. Ha ha. Actually, I really would love to wash divine masculine’s dirty underwear. I like doing laundry and washing dishes. Cooking is a pleasure as well.
The artwork at the beginning are all self portraits. They are selfies. Sorry to be so brazenly vain. Thank you for reading my post today. I love and appreciate each and everyone of you. Hugs and kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxoxo