He was a player. Did he turn me into one too?

Unwrapping the love by Summerhill Lane
Broken open and flowered by Summerhill Lane

He was a player. Did he turn me into one too?

Dear loved ones,

It is a cold and cloudy day here in Toronto, Canada and I have a sore throat and am feeling lethargic and blah, so canceled the two dates that were arranged for this weekend.  I didn’t really feel like seeing anyone anyway as I mentioned in my previous blog post “Allowing”.  My heart was not in it.  These dates were with Mr. Perfect and Mr. No Strings Attached (in case you were curious).

My blog is 10 months old now as I started it on December 16th, 2019.  I have been reading over older posts.  OMG what I cry baby I have been, always whining and bellyaching about divine masculine and how I miss him, and why do I miss him as he gave me no good reason to love him. 

 Logic didn’t play a part in this at all. 

Snap, hooked on him in an instant like he was a long-lost lover from another time. 

Flash, heated up and stayed hot for him no matter what he did or didn’t do.

Blast, full body orgasms just with his thought. 

Floored, love sick and senseless.

I didn’t know at the time that it was just a sexual game, something to pass the time while he was at work.  I also was active in this game and drew others into the playing of it.  I feel ashamed of myself a little, but not that much.  It was fun.  I had fun.  It was an adventure.  I have been transformed and made new.  Everything happened as it was supposed to. 

Will I continue to want my divine masculine to be present in my life?  Maybe. 

Will I find someone else to have a stable committed relationship with?

I don’t know. 

Even those words, “stable and committed” are boring to say and to imagine.  Sounds like a prison sentence with three square a day. 

My idea of an ideal relationship:

a connection, a partnership where we are like sparks that come together to create something amazing and positive and healing, then go our separate ways to do our own thing, then come together again for another big explosive event.  In love with each other but not possessive or co-dependent. 

 I don’t really want to wash his dirty underwear.  Ha ha.  Actually, I really would love to wash divine masculine’s dirty underwear.  I like doing laundry and washing dishes.  Cooking is a pleasure as well. 

The artwork at the beginning are all self portraits.  They are selfies.  Sorry to be so brazenly vain.  Thank you for reading my post today.  I love and appreciate each and everyone of you.  Hugs and kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxoxo

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

19 thoughts on “He was a player. Did he turn me into one too?

    1. Thank you darling Writer of Words. Since I have been unwell, I have been thinking a lot, maybe overthinking too. It is always good to reflect and learn and change.
      I will email you soon as I am better and it is safe to meet for a coffee.
      Sending you hugs and lots of love ❤️❤️🤗🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Your self-portaits are wonderful. There is nothing to say that a traditional arrangement is the only way to express commitment and love. I think it is up to each of us to decide what makes our hearts soar. I think real love when you have found it feels like freedom. There’s such a sense of freedom in being able to be yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Darling beautiful poet. When it comes to my divine masculine it is hard to visualize a 3D life right now, because I want him completely and in every way. But, how to do this without being co-dependent and having individual space. I keep asking myself, what is wrong with being co-dependent? Caring for a loving one person totally, giving your all.
      Love you dear ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I can feel the joy you experience in taking care of the one you love. There is no better feeling ❤️❤️❤️❤️
      Sending you hugs and much love. It is so nice to hear from you.

      Like

  2. Hi Summerhill! I hope you’re doing fine! Wow, what 10 months it has been, a few months and we’d be celebrating your first anniversary!

    Well, we all want something special in our relationships, that special connection we’ve been longing for since we we’re all young. I also enjoy cooking for the women I’ve crossed paths with! =)

    Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

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