Silence is not golden

The great escape by Summerhill Lane
Portrait in Oil by Summerhill Lane
Portrait in black ink by Summerhill Lane

Silence is not golden

Dear loved ones,

I have been laying in bed all day trying to feel better and watching sad romantic movies.  Little Women, Sense and Sensibilities, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, and now Jane Austin’s book club.  A film fest of sorts.  I am a glutton for all these fine feelings and emotions.  I like to torture myself it seems because each movie has a happy ending with man and woman finally realising that they love each other and never want to be apart.  

There is always a long eloquently spoken litany of reasons why the man ran away from the woman, or why she was reluctant and didn’t understand her true feelings.  Words were spoken and explanations given that were satisfactory to both parties.   All was crystal clear and there finally was no ambiguity.

In my own love story, I have used many words, clear and concise, yet these have fallen on deaf ears.  Where is my happy ending?  All I hear is the silence.  The nothingness is loud.

Two years ago, this month I moved to Toronto to live with my daughter and my grandson.  I left behind an ailing husband.  I ran away from him.  Escaped.  I have spoken about my marriage (2nd) extensively on this blog so I will not go into it again and my reasons for taking flight.  Believe me the need to do this was considerable.  I left almost everything that I owned behind in the house, except for my paintings and art supplies, all else mattered not.  My life mattered, my health mattered, my children and grandchildren mattered. 

I didn’t expect to fall in love.  Consumed with fire and heat.  Melting with need and want.  Taken over and rendered senseless.  Useless to myself and others who needed my help and attention.  What a messy painful business. 

I said too much, felt too much, loved too much.  It really was too much but I could handle it and wanted more. 

Now all is quiet. 

Did I imagine it all?  Was it just me creating an event?  I am starting to have doubts, except that I feel him still.  Will he not break this impasse?  Say something, even hello? 

Silence is not golden. 

Thank you for reading my post today.  As you can see, I truly am under the weather, as the expression goes, and am being very melodramatic.  I have said too much again and you all know who I have been referring to, if you have read any of my previous posts. 

Mr. Perfect is keeping me company with his messages and words of love.  I wish I could fall in love with him because he is already half in love with me.  It would be so easy.  Even Mr. No Strings Attached wanted to come out of self isolation to be with me, but I canceled that get together.  Mr. Three is weighing in from time to time, but I don’t give his words much credence anymore.  Bla bla bla.  (this is me just blabbing away and I am getting sick of myself).  I should be talking about something more important on this blog.  Something that could help others.  Something that would benefit others.  Maybe my twin flame journey is interesting, and I hope you like the paintings that are included at the beginning.  I should just talk about art instead of heart center opening, kundalini sexual energy exploding, telepathy and souls connecting in the astral plane, and all the other magical things that have been happening. 

Now I am smiling as I see your confusion.  I love you.  Hugs and Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo

P.S. I wrote the above post yesterday, and I am feeling much better today and my mood is also much brighter. I feel so lucky to be alive and to have been given so many spiritual gifts. I hope I can use them wisely and not wallow in self inflicted misery and crying for a lover who has other things to do.

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

21 thoughts on “Silence is not golden

    1. Sometimes you just feel like crying and Jane Eyre is the perfect movie for wallowing in self misery. 😁
      Thank you Bo Repos Gites, it is always a pleasure to hear from you. I love your posts so very much. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Equipsblog, yes you are quite right and I do not mean to distain what has been offered to me. It is very hard to explain what is going on without coming across as an ingrate and for wanting what I can’t have.
      I appreciate you. Thank you and sending you hugs and much love.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I will dig through your archives a little and see what happened in your marriage. But I understand much of what you talk about. Wishing you a happy, sunny day today (and the sun is out here in Toronto this Wednesday afternoon, I hope you are enjoying it). ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you darling Writer of Words. I did get out for a little while in the sunshine and it is glorious, but back in bed again. I am glad you understand what I am talking about because many don’t and think I am just an idiot who wants what they cannot have.
      I hope you are enjoying the sunshine too. I hope we can meet soon as I look forward to it. 💋💋❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You know I love your paintings and I would love to commission one of my masculine once I get my work and living situation sorted 🙂 I watch sad romantic movies too, I don’t know why they are so compelling. I have been crying a lot the last few days, A LOT. I hope you feel better soon 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Darling beautiful poet, it would be my honor to paint a portrait of your divine masculine.
      And sometimes we just need to have a good cry with the heroin of the movie. We are crying together these days dear one. Thank you for the well wishes and I am starting to feel like my own self again. Sending you lots of love and hugs. ❤💕💛🧡💛😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ‘I should be talking about something more important on this blog. Something that could help others. Something that would benefit others. ‘
    I think your transparency and honesty are quite beneficial – at least they are to me at this particular moment.

    Liked by 1 person

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