Still in love but all I hear is nothing

Portrait in mono by Summerhill Lane

Still in Love but all I hear is nothing

Dear loved ones,

Well I have started back to work at the grocery store and I am liking it.  I felt very comfortable, relaxed, and competent multi-tasking in the customer service department.  I could do five things at once with ease.  What has happened to me?  Has my mind expanded?  I used to be nervous working in that department because so much was expected, but now I am cool, calm and collected.  Of course, I have only been back to work for two days, so this glow may fade.  Ha ha.

A friend had asked me to do a sketch of her divine masculine without a photo of him or any idea of what he looked like, just by closing my eyes and seeing who appeared before me.  Well I tried this and asked if he would show himself so I could do this sketch.  I did a drawing all right but it is not him.  You may all guess who it is that showed up and you would be right. 

I did a painting from the sketch and will include it now.  I really do not want to talk about divine masculine here anymore because I have surrendered this connection.  I trust that we will come together at some time, or we may not.  I cannot force anything between us even though I have wanted and craved. 

I came across a poem today by Rumi that I would like to quote as it sums up how I have felt about DM.

“You left ground and sky weeping,

mind and soul full of grief.

No one can take your place in existence or in absence.”

Here is another poem by Rumi that means so much to me.

“I choose to love you in silence…

For in silence I find no rejection,

I choose to love you in loneliness…

For in loneliness no one owns you but me,

I choose to adore you from a distance…

For distance will shield me from pain,

I choose to kiss you in the wind…

For the wind is gentler than my lips,

I choose to hold you in my dreams…

For in my dreams, you have no end…

Rumi (1207 – 1273)

Thank you for reading my short post today and I hope you like my painting.  I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo

Portrait in acrylic by Summerhill Lane

Published by summerhilllane

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20 thoughts on “Still in love but all I hear is nothing

      1. SMiLes my FRiEnD summerhilllane there was a day more than one Yes
        66 Months that an Air Force Major Yes a Psychiatrist Dealing With Many
        Cases of Combat Fatigue from the Sand Traps of the Middle East in War
        Assessed my Darkness
        As The Darkest
        Most Difficult
        Case he had ever
        Come Across So Dark
        That He Wanted to Implant
        A Vagal Stimulator in my Chest
        to Bring Any Heart Beat Back at
        All to A Tin Man Soul… Of Course
        my Insurance didn’t Cover IT… No Drug
        Would Touch The Type Two Trigeminal
        Neuralgia Assessed As the Literal Worst
        Pain Known to Humankind Yes Literally
        Assessed as Worse Than the Torture
        Of Crucifixion From Wake to Sleep
        Along With An Assortment And
        Synergy of 19 Total Medical
        Disorders Mostly Related
        to Chronic to Acute
        Work Stress for
        11 Years
        Before i Retired
        Early to Hell yes All
        Those 66 Months Shut-in
        Experiencing That Pain and
        Numb From Wake to Sleep
        indeed my FRiEnD i wear
        A Crown Earned As A
        King of Pain And
        Numb So Then
        After Being So
        Very Suicidal
        As A Casual
        Name of the Suicide Disease
        That Worst Disorder other
        Than Losing a Memory
        Of Almost All Emotional
        Feelings Even A Memory
        of if i ever smiled at all
        No Reference Point
        Out of Hell A
        All Is Time
        in Hell.. in just
        one Second of Life…
        on my 53rd Birthday After
        Writing Since Thanks Giving Day
        10 Years ago online to try to Escape
        the Pain Every Word A Mountain of
        Pain as this Pain was in my Right Eye
        And Ear Like a Dentist Drill with No Novocaine
        i Wrote a Post Named ‘Visiting the Garden of Band-Aid’
        After Blogging Since March of 2013 then on my Birthday
        June 6th of 2013.. i Wrote for 24 Hours Straight remembering
        Every nice thing in Gratitude Anyone Had Spoke to me my Entire
        Life.. And i linked the Word Hope All the way through the Words

        Smiles my FRiEnD

        6 Thousand Words

        A MaGiC iNCaNTaTioN

        A Prayer-Long of Gratitude

        For Healing Still to come then

        A Month And 7 Days Later

        on 7.19.2013 Standing

        on a Beach As i

        Became the

        Essence of the

        Emerald Green Waves

        The Sugar White Sand

        Sea Oats Blowing Gently

        in the Breeze And Wings

        Of Seagulls Spiraling the Sun

        All the Pain and Numb Melting Away

        And voila i became a totally Different Human

        As Any Phoenix Rising From the Ashes the Fires of Life

        Bring as You Might imagine that experience Brought me

        The Empathy, Sympathy, Compassion of Around 14.5 MiLLioN

        Years Even Sympathy for the Devil in Hell i Became for those entire

        66 Months i didn’t Go to Hell and Become the Devil for Doing Anything

        Wrong but failing to Say No to What Society said i should come to be…

        SMiLes my


        Hell is
        Quite a
        Detour to
        Get to Heaven
        But When You Get
        Here Now Within You
        Do what it takes to stay

        It’s as simple as Three

        Yes Four Words

        And More

        “Give And

        Share Free

        With For Giving

        Thanks Giving Love”

        Yes A Force of 10 Words

        Enough Of A Command FoR Me

        to Stay in Heaven as i will surely

        Save Your Kind Quote in Gratitude More

        Indeed for the Same MiSSioN Of Love At Hand my FRiEnD..:)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. SMiLes my FRiEnD
        i Thank You For
        Welcoming me
        In Your Space And
        Allowing And Encouraging
        me To Freely Express my
        Soul in Response
        To The Art
        Your Soul
        Brings it Seems
        This is A Worthy
        In Life to
        Freely Give
        And Share
        As Allowed
        Of Course
        For it is
        True Not
        Is Open
        As You Free
        So Again Thank
        You! my FRiEnD🙌😁🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I can the emotions and feelings between the lines and how they relate to you. Music and poems so often relate our feelings when we struggle to find the words. Sending a huge hug gorgeous ❤️
    And your painting is amazing. I love it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Summerhill, so great to hear what you’re up to, and sounds like it is going inspiringly well. The painting is downright astounding, like all your portraits, your talent is phenomenal. I can’t even apologize for sounding like a broken record on that topic because it’s simply the truth.

    As for divine masculine, I really don’t think of the divine masculine (or feminine, for that matter) as being one person, but an energy that compliments my own inner divine, a positive energy which moves freely… I am learning to shape or follow what I want that energy to be, rather than allowing something more negative (to me) to shape me (as much as it sometimes used to, at least), if that makes sense… it allows me to reduce attachment feelings to those exhibiting toxic (to me) behaviours, which in turn reduces my own toxic (to me, and I suppose to my preferred others) behaviours…

    Anyway, maybe I’m just misunderstanding your own concept of a “divine masculine,” but there’s mine. And you, as someone above said, are indeed channeling the divine, as far as I can tell… Love love love your amazing artistry and radiant heart. Thanks for sharing it and yourself with us 💛🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear darling Lia, little sister. Thank you for your comments and compliments about my artwork. I really appreciate your kindness. I also understand your concept of divine masculine. It is not one person or one masculine but all who help you become the person you are meant to be, and bring out the divinity in yourself. Those others that match your vibration and lift you up.
      For me, divine masculine has been specifically one person, one masculine. He is silent now in my life. Our interaction has changed me almost completely for the better.
      I love you. You are so special and what you write is powerful and compelling. ❤❤❤❤❤❤

      Liked by 2 people

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