A Note to Self

Note to Self

Dear loved ones,

Hi. Hello. Happy New Year.

I am dying to write to you, to say something important and meaningful and to share some new art pieces.  But, alas, I have not painted anything new in 2021, nor have I picked up a pencil to draw or even doodle.  This part of my life is at a low point.  I have been working at my job and being exhausted by this and also Mr. Perfect is keeping me occupied when I am not working.   I am not complaining about work or about Mr. Perfect taking up all my time.  I did pray for attention from someone loving and my prayers were answered.  The only thing is, I was praying about my divine masculine and he hasn’t shown up.

You are sure to be sick of me moaning and groaning about this connection which is not a relationship.  Believe me, I am sick of myself wanting him and yet I crave and I yearn.  It is like an illness that can’t be recovered from.  The magnetic pull in his direction is very strong and unrelenting.  Thank god I can restrain the impulses to message him constantly.  It would be too pathetic.  I shouldn’t even be writing this here because he may see it and see what a hold he has over me still. 

  There must be a point to all this struggle, this powerful sexual energy radiating throughout my body.  It is bubbling all day long under the surface and I can only work myself practically to death to take the edge off.  I am exaggerating somewhat about working myself to death.  I do take time to be lazy and to rest and to look after myself and to have fun and to dance. 

Has anyone been successful in surrendering the outcome of their twin flame journey, and just letting things go the way they are going to go without worry or regret?  I believe I am supposed to be doing something, a mission, but I have no idea what that could be.  I had always thought that the two of us together could create a beautiful loving space and extend that out to others.  I have dreamt of having a large art studio and helping others through the artistic experience and my divine masculine had his space too close by in which he worked with young people helping them through exercise and sports and other creative pursuits.  We are a power couple. I have seen this in visions. 

Today, someone stole a small parcel out of our mailbox.  My daughter saw it on her way out to walk Gibson, and then on her return the mailbox was empty.  The lock is defective and box can be opened without a key.  This has never happened before in this very wealthy area of Toronto.  It is becoming obvious that the lockdown and financial crisis has extended its way into our neighbourhood too. 

Yesterday at work I was talking to a very old and sweet lady about the holidays and how she spent them.  She told me she was very lonely because no one could come over and visit with her.  I started crying and couldn’t stop the tears.  I wanted to hug her, but all I could do is give her a hug by hugging myself.  There are many who are in the same boat.  All alone and lonely.  I wish I could do something more besides cry.  This covid pandemic has separated us from our loved ones and it is the physical contact that is so very important to wellbeing.  If a small baby doesn’t have hugs and being loved up, they will not thrive and some actually do die from neglect.  The same is true for all of us. 

Thank you for reading, and if you just passed me by today it is all okay because I just needed to say this if only to myself.  I love you.  Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo

This song has been playing over and over again in my head and in my heart.