Dear loved ones, hello, good morning. I am dragging out the introduction a wee bit because I am not sure how to write this. It feels like a confessional and I guess that is exactly what it is. I want to confess to you. At first, I was going to submerge this whole thing in an erotic story and let Imogene be the fall guy (or gal), but that wouldn’t be fair to her. She has already outlived her character. “Death by Proxy” was a short story about her demise. I will include a link here to that one, if you are interested in reading it again.
I started writing this blog over a year ago now, and this writing was a way for me to process the twin flame journey I have been on with my divine masculine.
The pleasure and the pain of it.
The highs and the lows of it.
The ecstasy and the base humiliation of it.
The disappointment and the acceptance.
You get the picture that it has not been a walk in the park on a spring day. See, I am just delaying again and blabbing on about nothing. Sorry.
I was praying to my guide, or talking to my guide is a better way to say it. I have only been aware of him once before. His name is Josh and he looks like the actor Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day. He is very nice and sweet and protective. Josh was patting my head and saying everything is going to be fine. I felt like I was five years old and not a mature woman of a certain age. Now I am laughing at myself, because I do not want to confess my years. As a side note, yesterday a young woman that I work with asked me my age and I told her. She didn’t believe me and said I was playing a joke on her. So maybe I should just lie and make up a number that appeases my ego and my vanity. And I shouldn’t care about it, but I do.
I am in love with divine masculine, my twin flame. He has taken up residence in my heart and I can not kick him out as much as I try to reason with myself. The cords are thick and uncuttable. There is no physical contact between us or even text messages now. Our 5D interaction is also in a lull and this is hard to bear and it is like all between us never happened. The love remains though.
I want to love another who is reciprocal, and this is what I was talking to my guide about. Why do I feel guilty about wanting to be with someone else? Why do I feel ashamed of having a sexual connection with someone who is not DM? Why am I tied to a person who is not interested in me? If he were interested there would have been words followed up with action. Lots of words but no action. Promises but no follow through.
DM is not responsible for how I feel. This journey is not about a relationship it is only about pure love. The love flows freely towards him and for him and there is an endless stream of it. Maybe someday it will make sense.
Wednesday, I was driving over to Mr. Perfect’s house for a visit. This was the first time I was going to see him at his place and I was feeling kind of shy and awkward because it felt like a big step to take in starting a serious relationship with him. It was not like we had never been intimate before, we had, but it was always at my place. Somehow, the setting was unsettling me. I did not want to hurt divine masculine by my actions and this is why I was talking to my guide.
At the gas station while standing in line to pay, there was a man in front of me that looked like divine masculine from the back. He was maybe drunk, maybe stoned, and was very belligerent to the clerk serving him. His voice sounded like DM as well. Then this beast turned around and looked into my eyes. The shock shook me to my core. Instant recognition. I saw into his beautiful soul. It was the same shock of recognition as with divine masculine the first time I laid eyes on him.
Of course, this beastly man was not my divine masculine in the flesh in front of me, but I got the message loud and clear. How can I articulate it here? For the first time I talked to Mr. Perfect about divine masculine and also about the man at the gas station. He did not understand but was happy that I was willing to share some of my past with him. He knows I write a blog but I told him it was off limits for him. These posts are for you my loved ones and also for divine masculine, if he cares to look in from time to time. This is our journey after all, and there would be nothing to write about without him.
DM and I played a sex game where he was the beast, the animal, the master, the Dom and I was the slave, submissive, obedient one, the toy. I did not know that this was only a game. I did not know about such things. There was this strange powerful love and I would do anything suggested.
So, the message from the beast at the gas station, was I wanting to still continue in this charade with DM if he again suggested it. Would it be a good thing for us and for this world to do so? I think not. But, do I want to see him again? – oh my god, yes.
Thank you for reading my post today and sticking with me here on this page. I know all of what I write does sound off the wall and a bit crazy. You can just calk it up to artistic liberties or being a crazy artist. Ha ha.
I love you. Hugs & Kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo
P.S. the few paintings that I have included at the beginning are based on sketches from a road trip to Newfoundland. The exhibition was called twenty-one days in September. I hope you like them.