Liking my white hair

Posted bysummerhilllanePosted inArtTags:, , , , ,
He loved his telescope

Liking my white hair

Dear loved ones,

It is a rainy cool day here in Toronto and I am not minding it as we have had some warm sunny days lately and I was able to spend some time suntanning on my balcony in a bikini.  I would rather have been nude but wasn’t possible this time as family were at home. 

My hair is driving me crazy.  I want to go to a salon where I can go in looking like a hag and come out looking like a …. Don’t know what to say here.  At least I come out feeling better and looking better.  I like my hair short and tousled with blond streaks, and now it has grown long enough to wear a ponytail.  Also, there is a lot more white hair.  Where did that come from?  It is pure white around my face.  Actually, I think I like it.   Maybe I should dye all my hair white.  What do you think? 

Last night after I got home from work, I did an assessment of my hair in the bathroom mirror and I had my scissors in my hands ready to start chopping.  I was looking for the clippers too and got the crazy thought of shaving one side of my head.  I am glad now that I took a pause to rethink such drastic action. 

Really, I am just blabbing away and probably boring you a little with this unimportant stuff.  Who cares, right, about my hair?  It is just a distraction for me to fuss about this.  Something else is on my mind and I am not liking myself very much at the moment.  I wanted to make myself look ugly as it would match how I feel. 

My relationship with Mr. Perfect is going along smoothly and we get along well together and enjoy each other’s company.  He is perfect.  Yet, he is not divine masculine.  I am contemplating ruining such a solid and lovely connection by having a sexual rendezvous with DM.  The plans are almost in place for our liaison.  My intuition is telling me that after our meeting, he will still be in my life from the sidelines only, weighing in from time to time. 

This is a test of my character.  Am I just a sensual being looking for more and more kinky experiences, or am I true and loyal and faithful and loving?  Actually, I think I am both. 

Well, you know I am just going to go with the flow and stop over analyzing everything.  I have not made a commitment to anyone and can do as I please.  There is no ring on my finger.  No vows were spoken and signed to. Single, technically a widow.   Still, I do not want to hurt Mr. Perfect and he has been nothing but kindness to me. 

Thank you for reading my post today about white hair.  And just for fun here is a youtube video of Beyoncé doing her lovely thing.  I love you.  Summerhill Lane xoxo

Published by summerhilllane

contact me by email - summerhilllane2@gmail.com

17 thoughts on “Liking my white hair”

  6. Sam is cutting and dying my hair. Isadora’s too. I met Sam just after high school. He came from Sweden to visit me for 2 weeks. I was still living with my parents and believe me it took a little convincing to get my mom to have a teenage boy over that we had never met before (we met online). I was on my way to college in the fall so it was in that in-between phase of life anyhow. We had a lot of fun together. It was all very lovely. There was great chemistry. One night we were in the yard and it seemed like we might have sex, the mood was there if you know what I mean. I had to have a think/consult my heart a bit. If I have sex with him and then he goes back to Sweden and we never talk to each other again or if it fizzles out because of the long distance how’s that going to make me feel? I knew I wanted a relationship with substance. Love. Trust. Respect. Fun. Conversation. Everything. I had been sexually abused, that was all I had experienced of sex and it was awful. I realized that I needed to respect myself and make choices that reflected not just who I am as a person but the sort of future I wanted to manifest. I did not want my first time to be in my front yard with a boy I might never see again. Sex isn’t a sin/crime and there is nothing wrong with someone enjoying themselves but you have real feelings for this man (it is not a one-night stand to you), if you let him treat you like a one-night stand, treat the relationship you are trying to build as this flimsy, disposable thing how’s that going to make you feel? I don’t think you need to settle. You are all that and a bag of chips girl lol Why on earth should you settle? If you can honestly say it is just a sexual connection and DM’s not the man I want to be with at the end of the day and your feelings are of a strictly sexual nature that is different but I think you see him as more. So why would you treat yourself as less for him?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Darling beautiful poet. I am very happy for you that Sam is dyeing and cutting your hair and your daughter’s too.
      I am taking your comments to heart. I do not want to be a flimsy disposable thing and I will not settle for less. I do not know now if my connection with DM is just sexual. It is looking like that at the moment . He has not offered any concrete messages of love or even a real conversation, which is what I have been asking him for during this whole experience .

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Forget what he wants, you are not his personal servant. What you do want/feel do you want only a sexual connection with him? If so that is perfectly okay and that can be rewarding and wonderful but if you have feelings and a desire for a relationship with more substance than I don’t think you should settle. You are not disposable and any man who treats you as such, simply does not deserve you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I was thinking that I just want a sexual connection, since this is all he is interested in. But, I would feel terrible about it afterwards. Used and disposable.

        Like

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