I don’t want to be the strong one again

I don’t want to be the strong one again

Hello friends loved ones; I have been questioning myself again with the introduction I always use.  Does it sound patronizing or too New Agey to call you my loved ones?  Syrupy sweet and unnatural?  Sorry if it does.  Really, I do love you. 

Today, I have a day off work and I am laying in bed trying to recover from physical exhaustion.  My favourite coffee ever on hand (bullet proof coffee).  I just combined in a blender a cup of dark roast organic coffee with 1Tbsp MCT oil, 1 Tbsp butter, 2 Tbsp cream, ½ tsp cinnamon.  It is delicious and keeps me from feeling hungry for several hours. 

I almost sent divine masculine a message this morning.  I miss him so much.  Maybe it is the exhaustion that is breaking down my resolve to leave him alone.  I have someone in my life that is lovely and loving and why would I spoil this by chasing after DM who has not been there or shown any kind of love or caring.  Why do I care about him and love him?  It doesn’t make any sense.  There is a pressure on me to communicate with him, to initiate.  Am I just pressuring myself or is there something or someone unseen behind the scenes keeping this fiasco of a relationship going? 

There is talk at work of inoculating essential workers with the covid vaccine.  Again, nothing from head office just talk among the staff and with customers.  I am not against vaccines as such, even though my children didn’t get any of the inoculations except for the whooping cough one and they all came down with whooping cough immediately afterwards. My doctor said they got a different strain of whooping cough and not the one they were inoculated against.  Sounded like bullshit to me.  I have never had a flu shot either and figured I would take my chances with getting the flu and my own natural immunity instead of introducing some foreign substances via injection.  I think I already had the corona virus in February 2020 and was very ill for about 3 weeks.  The rest of the family were also sick at that time but for not as long.  Is there anyway to know if a person has a natural immunity because they have already had the virus and survived, thereby alleviating the need for an inoculation? 

Or does it even matter because the powers that be are so gung ho to push this vaccine regardless. 

I should just be quiet today and rest and take Gibson for a walk, since no one else here has taken him out yet.  On line schooling has started again as of this morning.  My daughter’s job has shut down again after being open for about 10 days.  They would have been better off staying closed.  Everything is crazy making.  I refuse to go crazy or be afraid! 

Thank you for being here.  It has been a week since I have written anything to you and I didn’t want another day to go by without saying something, even though it is just rambling thoughts.

  I hope you like the painting at the beginning.  Again, it is one I have shown here before.  I love you, hugs and kisses, Summerhill Lane xoxo

Whenever I feel sad or depressed I often listen to this song and start dancing. It is the cure. I even think about getting married again. Imagine that!